Ct

fuck your tweets

[ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian]

Every time you open a can of Strawberry Lemonade Four Loko a white trash genie pops out reminding you the age of consent is only 16 in thirty one states including Canada.

[ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian]

Ever take a shit so hot and violent it feels like your soul is leaving your body? Anyway, welcome to the Olive Garden. I'll be your server David.

[ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian]

Ever take a coke shit so violent you black out and coworkers have to break into the stall to make sure you haven't stopped breathing, again?

[ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian]

I snorted a fat line of cocaine and went on a 5 mile run this morning. Only half this tweet is true.

[ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian]

Swing states are filled with people nobody wants to fuck.

[Baby Sumerian God @Ilovelamp1979]

This could be the LSD talking, but I'm pretty sure I'd be more comfortable riding on the roof of the car.

[Clown_Orb @ClownOrb]

It's easier to utter mantras like "big is beautiful" and "love the skin your in" than it is to have self control and dignity

[Gia @GashleyMadison]

Whenever someone asks me for a reference, I just give them a picture of my couch.

[Spe(n)cer @SpencerinSF]

RIP Satire
1120BC-2016

[Squat @tvandspam]

I like Italian food, candlelit dinners and being fisted on bath salts

[@kingamir @kingamir]

When that one homie in your squad who never parties comes out and gets turnt as fuck

[Gia @GashleyMadison]

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

[heidi @heidi420x]

Couldn't remember my Twitter password and accidentally spent the past two years as a functioning member of society

[Tortured_soul @1Tortured_soul]

It's a fraggle rock pez dispenser full of Percocet kind of day.