The Cooper and Anthony Show

Crystal Award, 5X Gracie Award winning radio show now heard on @BeasleyMedia stations across the country 7p-12a M-F and 8p-1a in Vegas Call us! 888-460-6002

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

UPS be like
1. We have no idea where your package is
2. You missed your delivery we gave it to your post office go there

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

3am
ME: I’m exhausted. I’m going to sleep

3:05am
MY BRAIN: Remember that thing from five years ago that turned out to be nothing? Let’s re-examine every aspect of it like a forensic pathologist

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

Friend: these are my twin boys, Jacob and Leonard

Me: …

Friend: …

Me: Do they shed?

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

It’s ok. We can be friends from afar. I’m really not that interested in being aclose

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

Me on my way to tell my boyfriend he’s wrong

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

What’s it called when you participate in your community wide garage sale and most of the clothes your wife is selling still has the original tags on them?

I’m that.

[Emma Beasley🐝 @JustBeingEmma]

How much do you think it would cost to get Johnny Depp to sob at my funeral?

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

Nobody:

Me pre-coffee: I tried to date a guy who worked the Cyclone at Coney Island but the relationship was too much of a roller coaster

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

Warning to future detectives. I have one of those jokey dentists who’s gonna say something like “Tooth pics or it didn’t happen, amiright??” while he identifies my remains

[My Life As Dad @milifeasdad]

*My oldest turned 9 and my 6yo was sad*

Me: Why are you sad?

6yo: I want to be older.

9yo: Why do you want to be older? Do you want to look like dad?

[The Cooper and Anthony Show @CooperAnAnthony]

@DarthDad72 Ha! No, it's me. He'd do it tomorrow. If you can give me one good reason to get married, we'll do it

[The Cooper and Anthony Show @CooperAnAnthony]

The last thing you bought on Amazon is your weapon in battle... https://t.co/yCTju2RFAO

[Just Bill @WilliamAder]

We turned the clocks back so far The Beatles have the No. 1 song!

[Bob Phillips @BobTheSuit]

I’ve muted so many people here it’s just me and a couple of weirdos from Denmark.

[The Cooper and Anthony Show @CooperAnAnthony]

The Cooper and Anthony Show sounds a little something like this:
https://t.co/KTcRu075CT

[💀SpookyLittleComic👻 @CunniLinguist77]

Video killed the radio star.
Talkies killed the silent star.
What’s it going to take to kill the influencer?

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

If I'm being honest, I did think "Golden Bachelor" was a kink reference. But this is good too.

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

When I say I’m “up for anything” I mean nothing before noon, no more than 10 blocks from my apartment and if it’s too hot there I’m just gonna go home and eat cereal on my couch

[Emma Beasley🐝 @JustBeingEmma]

I put some spot remover on our dog, Spot, and now I can't find him anywhere.

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

Spending time with my 7yo niece has taught me that children are like Velociraptors. They become scarier when you know they can open doors.