Cooper Lawrence

Multiple Gracie Award Winning Radio Host TV chick @sunriseon7 83rd @goldenglobes voter Published Author, Irritant Listen to me @WABCRadio Worldwide News Network

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

Apologies to our waitress Amy who said to my dad, “wanna box for the leftovers?” and he replied, “no, but I’ll wrestle you for them” hope we tipped enough

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

Know what makes me smile?

Facial muscles.

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

A friend asked if I wanted to say anything at her wedding. I stood up and said “tremendously” she said that means “a lot”

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

@RobertHolzer

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

If my boyfriend and I get married does he continue to do the laundry? There’s no Taylor Swift song about that so I’m not sure what happens

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

The only time I get anxiety is when I’m picking up a prescription for my wife and the pharmacists asks me for her birth date.

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

Twitter is a great place to meet ew people.

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

@DocAtCDI

[Hollie Harris @allholls]

I never realized I had a favorite spatula until my husband broke it.

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

Congratulations on your loud car exhaust, it must be really difficult to hide from all the women chasing you.

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

She said she recognized me from the vegan club, but I never met herbivore

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

The man who invented the wind chill has passed away. He was 88 but felt 81

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

[me at 10] when I’m a grown up I’m gonna do whatever I want!

[ me now]

[Darla @ddsmidt]

*Slices up lemons right in front of life*

[krista @kristabellerina]

When life gives me lemons, I slice them to add to water because I’m probably dehydrated.

[mariana Z @mariana057]

How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in your pan?

You take away their little brooms…

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

Today I’m baking synonym rolls just like grammar used to make

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

Nobody:

My stomach at any theater during a pivotal emotional moment:

[*loud gurgling noises*]

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

@NotTodayEric

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

Shoutout to whoever invented shredded cheese. Grate job.

[Darla @ddsmidt]

Second thoughts are like first thoughts that came along too late.