Dolly Corley

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

Girl Left Her Boyfriend To Concentrate On Watching #Riverdale Full Time https://t.co/gZwUVUAj59

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

I'm still a little pissed we didn't get to keep the tail through the evolutionary process.

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

They say the more you drink the higher your tolerance is. but that's bullshit because my friend's an alcoholic & he still hates gays.

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

Few people have the balls to admit when they're wrong. Then again. few people have talking balls.

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

If you watch the movie Twister backwards it's the story of friendly tornados saving lives. rebuilding destroyed towns and playing with cows.

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that's not your Ferrari?

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

Went for a 4 mile run this morning. Now everything hurts... even my eyelashes.

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

Nah. an alien would have a name made of random human sounds. Wait

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

C'mon. when have I ever let you down? That was rhetorical. actually. Yes. that is a lot. Wow. did not expect you to bring out a chalkboard.

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

if you're ever running late just bring a huge glass of milk along and be drinking it noisily as you walk in and no one will say shit to you

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

We all know by now that when someone says. I'm sorry. I never got that text. they ABSOLUTELY got that text. right?

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

Sometimes I wish I was a cat just so I can constantly ignore everything said to me while licking the inside of my thigh.

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

My air conditioner broke. I've been breathing unconditioned air for the last 14 hours. This is how super villains are born.

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

Damn girl are you a Nirvana album because...nevermind.

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

The guy who invented the mohawk was originally just trying to get his sideburns the same length.

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

Pretty soon Starbucks will stop being coy and offer to just shove a pumpkin & a fistful of nutmeg in your ass for $20.

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day? Let me call you Tweet heart!

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

Barber pointed out my new gray hairs and said I looked refined. I hope someone tells him the key marks on his car looks like racing stripes.

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

If I ever ask you. very seductively. 'Do you wanna do it?'

[Dolly Corley @CorleyDolly]

*Social justice ppl arrive at nintendo headquarters in japan* 'Game... BOY?' *merciless. graphic slaughter of nintendo employees ensues*