Cory Zerance

Conservative. Comic book nerd. All around weirdo. Find out more.

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

That moment when you realize 99% of your diet is black coffee and bourbon. 🙄#ooops #retaillife #thestruggleisreal

[Death Star PR @DeathStarPR]

Grand Moff Tarkin didn't order the destruction of Alderaan. A staffer did it. It was inadvertent and a mistake. And DEFINITELY not Tarkin.

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

The Octonauts are why alcohol was invented #babysittingproblems #toddlersareassholes

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

I swear to god, I am finally done department hopping #finallyfoundmyplace #intheadminoffice #lifeinretail

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

Remember when I used to be a ballet dancer and not an alcoholic #retailproblems #retiredballetdancer

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

@jzdino Amen to that girl #thestruggleisreal

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

When you're as desperate for someone's help as much as Leia was for Obi-Wan's #noideawhatimdoingatwork #onlycalledforhelpfourtimes

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

That moment when you realize you start a new job and literally have no clue what you're supposed to do #fakeittilyoumakeit

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

The thought of going into work right now makes me want to jump off the platform of an order picker. Headfirst. #inventoryproblems

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

#youknowitsinventorywhen you've had 4 cups of coffee before 5 am

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

That moment when you're so glad you got out of inventory, and the boss changes his mind #fuckinventory #retailproblems

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

@jzdino hitting the bourbon hard tonight for sure!

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

Got questioned by the cops at work today. That means it's drinking time #fucktoday #parttimealcoholic

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

I don't know why I keep trying to force myself to like clear liquors, it's clearly not going to happen #bourbonalltheway #noclearalocohol

[Mark Hamill @MarkHamill]

"Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come- Whispering 'It will be happier'"-Alfred Lord Tennyson

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

Like 85% sure there's a stress fracture in my foot, but at least beer numbs the pain #alcoholhelps #imayhaveaproblem

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

If my commute is any indication of how the rest of my day will go, then I am fucked #fuckingrushhourtraffic

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

Some days I wish certain people would walk close enough to my ladder so dropping a box of hammers on them is a plausible accident # roughday

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

Current life status: resisting the urge to give myself a lobotomy with my utility knife #ihatemyjob

[Cory Zerance @CoryZerance]

I like my coffee black, my tea in the harbor, my whiskey neat, and my wine forever flowing #WordsOfWisdom