Megan Jones

Love cats, fascinated by Ancient Egypt, pedantic about grammar & punctuation.

[Wholesome Side of 𝕏 @itsme_urstruly]

The only problem I want in my life

[Parveen Kaswan, IFS @ParveenKaswan]

That leopard is looking at his food by standing on two legs. Leopards are one of the most versatile creatures on earth. From Kruger.

[Megan Jones @CowEaredBeauty]

@sainsburys is the mobile groceries app not working? I’m getting error messages: “we encountered a problem trying to log you in, try again” on the app, and “403 forbidden” on the web.

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

Video by Cheetah Whisperer on YouTube

https://t.co/sNh2TOH5Lj

[Larry the Cat @Number10cat]

As Starmer announces his first cabinet, confirmation of the one individual staying put:

[Irish Ranger (Sevvy) @VeteranIrish]

British Army Humour

An innocent typo was made and all parties involved have gotten as much enjoyment as they could out of it!

Lt. Colonel Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long fulfilling career. On the day that he retired he received a letter from the Personnel Department of the Ministry of Defence setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free ‘lump sum’ award, (based upon completed years of service), that he would receive in addition to his monthly pension.

The letter read,

"Dear Lt. Colonel Maclaren,
We write to confirm that you retired from the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards on 1st March 2001 at the rank of Lt Colonel, having been commissioned into the British Army at Edinburgh Castle as a 2nd Lieutenant on 1st February 1366.
Accordingly your lump sum payment, based on years served, has been calculated as £68,500. You will receive a cheque for this amount in due course.
Yours sincerely
Army Paymaster”

Colonel Maclaren replied;

“Dear Paymaster,
Thank you for your recent letter confirming that I served as an officer in the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards between 1st February 1366 and 1st March 2001 – a total period of 635 years and 1 month.
I note however that you have calculated my lump sum to be £68, 500, which seems to be considerably less than it should be bearing in mind my length of service since I received my commission from King Edward III.
By my calculation, allowing for interest payments and currency fluctuations, my lump sum should actually be £6, 427, 586, 619. 47p.
I look forward to receiving a cheque for this amount in due course.
Yours sincerely,
Robert Maclaren (Lt Col Retd)”

A month passed by and then in early April, a stout manilla envelope from the Ministry of Defence in Edinburgh dropped through Col. Maclaren’s letter box, it read:

“Dear Lt Colonel Maclaren,
We have reviewed the circumstances of your case as outlined in your recent letter to us dated 8th March inst. We do indeed confirm that you were commissioned into the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards by King Edward III at Edinburgh Castle on 1st February 1366, and that you served continuously for the following 635 years and 1 month.
We have re-calculated your pension and have pleasure in confirming that the lump sum payment due to you is indeed £6, 427, 586, 619. 47p.
However, we also note that according to our records you are the only surviving officer who had command responsibility during the following campaigns and battles;
The Wars of the Roses 1455 -1485 (Including the battles of Bosworth Field, Barnet and Towton) The Civil War 1642 -1651 (Including the battles Edge Hill, Naseby and the conquest of Ireland) The Napoleonic War 1803 – 1815 (including the battle of Waterloo and the Peninsular War) The Crimean War (1853 – 1856) (including the battle of Sevastopol and the Charge of the Light Brigade) The Boer War (1899 -1902) World War One (1914-1918).
We would therefore wish to know what happened to the following, which do not appear to have been returned to Stores by you on completion of operations:
9765 Cannons
26,785 Swords
12,889 Pikes
127,345 Rifles (with bayonets)
28,987 horses (fully kitted
Plus three complete marching bands with instruments and banners.
We have calculated the total cost of these items and they amount to £6,427,518.119.47p.
We have therefore subtracted this sum from your lump sum, leaving a residual amount of £68,500, for which you will receive a cheque in due course.
Yours sincerely . . . .”
😁😁😁

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

British meanings of “you look well”

1. You look well
2. You looked particularly bad when we last met and you’ve improved since then
3. You look larger than last time
4. We both know you’re looking unwell but I’m trying to make you feel better about it
5. I can’t remember who you are
6. You’re sunburnt
7. You look incredible but I’m not going to go so far as to actually say that
8. I say this to everyone, regardless of how they look

[Sark Stories @sark_stories]

🐮New Sark Cheese!

This Brie style cheese is made from Sark fed Guernsey milk, pasteurised on the farm.
The cheeses have an edible white rind, matured for 5 weeks then wrapped in a specialist cheese paper.

Available from the Sark dairy for £5 each.

#sarkisland #cheese #taste

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

As I get older my tolerance gets lower. I often used to think, “this meeting could’ve been an email”, now it’s more, “this email could’ve been a thought you kept to yourself”.

[Buitengebieden @buitengebieden]

Massage time.. 😅

[Justin Ng @justin_ng]

Happy Larry-Tine's Day bud. ❤️ya. Who else is going to take pics of you squeezing under a gate 😆

[Megan Jones @CowEaredBeauty]

I entered to win a chance to travel across India on an adventure with @TourRadar and Explore! Enter now! #AdventureBeginsHere https://t.co/IMi0tXvpVJ

[Megan Jones @CowEaredBeauty]

@sark_stories @Sark_Island @gsyharbours @AtoBCyclesSark @SarkSummerFest @SarkSheepRace I remember seeing the one fall into the harbour, so glad to see how well it went, too!

[Megan Jones @CowEaredBeauty]

@SeigneurOfSark Wow, that’s sort of amazing!

[Megan Jones @CowEaredBeauty]

@NicKeaney Same in Wales 😹

[Larry the Cat @Number10cat]

Have you ever seen a more photogenic cat?

[Megan Jones @CowEaredBeauty]

@ITVEveningNews how can you PROMOTE lgbtqheg+ by showing a HEADTEACHER with a rainbow flag behind her on screen? This is unacceptable propaganda.

[Journey Through Time @JrnyThroughTime]

@buitengebieden An elephant drawing an elephant

[Megan Jones @CowEaredBeauty]

@WestMidRailway what are you doing to our trains? New improved timetable? No, reduced the number of carriages & cancelled half the trains.
GMV to BNS, cattle truck service.
BNS to GMV, sorry, no, we’ve cancelled most of the trains, & you can only go as far as Worcester anyway.