jordan, the gemini

hi. my name is jordan. j for short. jor for medium. semi-retired thought sharer. more active on IG

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

I’m reposting some older tweets of mine so my followers/mutuals can find me again. I just wanted to say this so people didn’t think I stole them. I’m the writer of these, so hopefully I can earn your follow again :)

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

the person who invented the pillow was like “you see that goose? i’m going to rip all of its feathers off - wrap them in cloth - then sleep like a baby”

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

BP is now called DP because damn these prices are a pain in the ass

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

whenever i accidentally swerve on the road - i immediately throw my blinker on and stay in that lane. even if i miss my exit - nobody will know i’m a bad driver but me and that u-turn exit

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

@IAmRoyalBlu this is my fav song. dm?

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

@IAmRoyalBlu the algorithm hates him for this one simple trick

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

why do they call it a playground when you’re not even playing on the ground

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

@itsmattfred now they’re entering heaven’s gates saying the same thing

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

[ at thanksgiving ]

grandma: so are you seeing anybody?

me: *standing up and placing my lap napkin back on the table* excuse me. i’m gonna go get a.. drunk.. like really drunk

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

“omg wow i can’t believe the Brita keeps magically filling itself up”
- probably my roomate

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

@shaqtus15 rt breck rft

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

@2Cool4Juul not true. you annoy me and i’m across the country

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

@dxxnya they always say top of the mornin but never give top in the mornin :/

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

why is it not noodle soop or noudle soup ?

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

why do we call it a stomach ache

and not a bummy tummy

[e rolling on molly @Evanszanycomedy]

Yesss lord

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

@freeMedusa you can’t spell it without hero. use this information as you will

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

@nanny_annie27 @no_regreta in god we panic

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

i’m almost 25 and i feel like a kid still. no i’m not talking about the energy, nor the ability to dream of a better life — i mean like i still feel dumb af

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

@lalanastoe lalana ahaha love this

[jordan, the gemini @CozyLaundryPile]

@dxxnya this reminds me of an old joke i had lol

stockholm syndrome is waiting on the line with customer service so long that you begin humming along to their music