craig mikes

Mastering the art of mad.

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@CollegeGameDay @PatMcAfeeShow Lose the punter

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@smc429 I’m also no longer friends with Alana Stewart.

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

It's no Montblanc, but you have to be careful out there. Just ask Joe Joplin.

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@catstrateg If they can drive themselves so well why are they being trailered?

[Team Talarico @TeamTalaricoHQ]

Some of Ken Paxton's scandals so far:

—Offered an admitted child molester one day in jail after he repeatedly raped a young boy
—Impeached by his own party on 20 counts of corruption, bribery, abuse of public trust, and obstruction of justice
—Owns at least 15 homes across the nation worth $9 million, despite a government salary of $153k
—Accepted $77,000 from men who allegedly sexually assaulted women, exposed themselves to children, and appear in the Epstein Files
—Spent July 4th, 2026, and America's 250th birthday in London
—Fled to Utah during Texas's deadly 2021 winter storms, which killed 246 people, a disaster in which Paxton was "responsible for overseeing key aspects of the state's response"
—Only Texas official to be impeached by his own party in nearly 50 years
—Net worth increased 7,000% since taking office
—Failed to disclose he secretly purchased real estate worth millions in Hawaii, Florida, and Utah, a direct violation of Texas ethics rules
—Accepted $448,000 from data center industry executives and PACs
—Bankrolled by the family who attempted to buy Jeffrey Epstein's "Lolita Express" private jet, and the family who bought Epstein's Zorro Ranch
—Said the Uvalde shooting, in which 21 children and teachers were murdered, was part of a "plan" by "God"
—Owns a $1.6 million luxury home in Oklahoma with a private chef, masseuse, and housekeeping
—Voted against a Texas program that spent billions on cancer research
—Allegedly committed voter fraud using a false address in 6 different elections
—Protected a laboratory that tortured and killed over 400 puppies
—Charged with felony securities fraud shortly after taking office over allegations he misled investors, resulting in additional SEC charges
—Fled his own home to avoid being served with a subpoena
—Illegally appointed attorney to conduct weaponized investigation
—Reported to the FBI by his own top deputies, who alleged he was abusing his office to benefit a close friend and donor
—Currently charges families an average of $750/night to stay at his luxury Oklahoma home
—Terminated the four senior deputies who reported his misconduct to law enforcement
—Used taxpayer funds as attorney general to benefit a friend
—Took a luxury vacation to Iceland after being exposed for releasing a child molester
—Has a secretive personal fortune of $100,000 to $1 million every 18 months from a hospital cellphone tower
—Owns a $750,000 luxury home in Florida, advertised as a place to live "a true Florida lifestyle"
—Celebrated forcing women out of Texas for life-saving reproductive care
—Offered a plea deal to a child sex abuser that failed to register him as a sex offender in Texas, letting him back on the streets
—Conducted a sham investigation of his own whistleblower complaints
—Owns four luxury homes and land in Utah worth over $2 million
—Wasted taxpayer money in an effort to delay his own trial
—Staff attempted to obstruct his Texas House investigation by reportedly threatening witnesses
—Cost Texans over $6.6 million in his court judgment for retaliating against whistleblowers
—His own lawyer refused to endorse him, and endorsed James Talarico instead

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@briantylercohen He just found it in the metal detector tray.

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@PaxtonsPatriots @KenPaxtonTX I like how he scans the entire place while he speaks. Like he’s casing the room for a Mont Blanc to steal.

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@Seegetchee @ProjectLincoln @lebatardshowfan Genius retro trolling

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@essenviews But he knows about spewing hot air

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@theliamnissan 7/8/26

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@EvilMopacATX Coffee shops open at 10am or whenever they wake up. Cause it’s Marfa. So enjoy Stripes coffee in the am

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@InternetH0F Have the tick threaten to release the Trump Epstein files.

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@JasnDavid Budweiser v Chimay

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@AntiTrumpCanada Everything Trump touches dies

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@Mollyploofkins Bone spurs are contagious

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@pmcafrica

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@KremlinTrolls No one said expensive

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@CoffeeSnobTobey @bofrench Yawn. NASCAR guy is ready for a change.

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@mattforney So he once switched flights at DFW? Texan.

[craig mikes @Craig_Mikes]

@RyanAutullo That must be a Kobe to Vanessa Bryant size ring