Gnarlton

Like (subjectively) funny tweets
of Clans

[Janice Hough @leftcoastbabe]

Hey media

Not a Platner fan, but why is he a nonstop story and not Ken Paxton's TWENTY indictments by a GOP led-Texas legislature, securities fraud charges and his wife's filing for divorce on "biblical grounds?"

[Martin O'Malley @MartinOMalley]

There is no greater financial harm than being falsely declared dead on the Social Security master file.

No one should lose access to their home, bank account, or health insurance because Donald Trump is weaponizing the Social Security system.

[Tim @trouble_man90]

266,000 jobs under Biden:
“slowed”
“muddled expectations”
“fell short”

172,000 jobs under trump:
“upswing”
“vigorous”
“strong sign for economy”

This is the double standard Dems have had to deal with for the past 10 years.

[Team Ossoff @TeamOssoff]

Ossoff: Last September, the President of Kazakhstan calls Donald Trump and says he wants to grant tungsten mining rights to an American company. And the very next month, Eric and Don Jr. get a stake in the American company pursuing the mining deal.

Six days later, six days after Prince Eric and Prince Don get their stake, Kazakhstan announces this company will get, “The largest known undeveloped tungsten resource in the world.” A few more weeks go by, and then the U.S. government, run by their father, sets aside 1.6 billion of your tax dollars to fund and finance their mining project. In Kazakhstan.

All this while you pay more for gas, for groceries, for health care, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

[George Noble @gnoble79]

NVIDIA IS BUYING ITS OWN CHIPS AND CALLING IT REVENUE

And your retirement account is secretly holding the bag.

This scheme is literally straight out of the Enron playbook...

In January 2026, a special purpose vehicle called Valor Compute Infrastructure was created with one purpose:

Buy Nvidia's chips so Nvidia could book the sale as revenue.

Valor raised $5.4 billion and purchased over 100,000 of Nvidia's GB200 GPUs.

But $1.9 billion of that money came FROM Nvidia itself.

Nvidia invested $1.9 billion into the shell company, then sold that same shell company $5.4 billion worth of its own chips and booked every dollar as revenue.

It's the Girl Scout whose dad bought all the cookies and then she wins the sales contest because Dad was the customer. Except this Girl Scout is a trillion-dollar company and the cookie sale is $5.4 billion.

But it gets MUCH worse:

The remaining $3.5 billion in financing came from Apollo Global Management. Apollo structured the debt, packaged it into securities, and then sold those securities to Athene.

And guess who Athene is? Apollo's OWN insurance subsidiary. The one that sells fixed annuities to American retirees as safe, conservative retirement products.

Follow the chain:

Nvidia funds a shell company with $1.9 billion. The shell company buys $5.4 billion in Nvidia chips. Apollo finances the remaining $3.5 billion. Apollo sells the debt to its own insurance arm. That insurance arm packages it into annuity products and sells them to retirees who think they're buying something safe.

The retirees have no idea that their retirement savings are now backed by 100,000 computer chips sitting in some data center that will be worth pennies on the dollar in three years.

Now look at what's happening inside Athene:

$74.2 billion in US reserves but $217 billion in assets have been shifted to a Bermuda-based captive insurer, outside normal US regulatory oversight.

$103 billion of that portfolio (roughly 35%) is classified as Level 3 assets. That means there is no observable market price.

These assets are valued by internal models, not by actual markets.

And sitting on top of all those unpriced assets? 16.6x leverage.

If you're getting flashbacks to 2008, you should be.

Back then it was mortgages bundled into securities that nobody understood, sold to investors who had no idea what they were holding, rated as safe by agencies that never looked under the hood.

Today it's GPU-backed securities. Computer chips bundled into structured credit instruments, routed through an offshore insurance subsidiary, and sold to you as a retirement product.

The collateral is 100,000 GPUs leased to a single customer through an xAI subsidiary. If xAI stops making lease payments for any reason - financial distress, a pivot in strategy, anything - the entire structure unravels.

And Nvidia releases new architectures every year, so each generation delivers dramatically more compute per watt. A 5 year lease on technology that's obsolete in 2 years creates a mismatch that should terrify every annuity holder in America.

Every single step in this chain is technically legal. The SPV is legal, the lease is legal, Nvidia's equity stake is legal, the securitization is legal, and the Bermuda transfer is legal.

But legality and legitimacy are not the same thing.

I've seen every trick Wall Street has ever pulled in my 45 years of doing this.

And what I'm looking at right now is a pipeline that takes AI infrastructure risk, launders it through 8 layers of financial engineering, and deposits it in the retirement accounts of Americans who never agreed to fund Elon Musk's data centers.

In 2008 it was mortgage-backed securities.

In 2026 it's GPU-backed securities.

Different asset. Same greed. With the same ending.

[Jesus Freakin Congress @TheJFreakinC]

🚨BREAKING: The Secretary of Homeland Security just admitted, on camera, that he is going to violate your First Amendment right to free speech.

He said, “I have ZERO tolerance. If you verbally assault our officers… we will find you, we will arrest you.”

Except… that’s not how the First Amendment works.

Unless someone is making a credible threat of violence, speech… even rude, angry, or insulting speech… is still protected.

That’s the whole point of a free speech clause… to protect the people from situations where those in power don’t like what’s being said.

So, when a top federal official starts framing “verbal assault” as something you can be arrested for, without clearly defining it as an actual threat…

It stops sounding like protecting officers, and starts sounding like a government trying to silence people who speak out against it.

[Melanie D'Arrigo @DarrigoMelanie]

“If we stop measuring climate change, there is no climate crisis”

“If we erase January 6th, it didn’t happen”

“If we don’t release certain inflation data, there’s no inflation”

“If we don’t measure food insecurity, no one’s hungry”

“If we delete research on right-wing violence, there’s no right-wing violence”

“If we stop Covid testing, we’ll have fewer cases”

The Trump administration is hiding data so you can’t truly see how corrupt and incompetent they are.

[Chris Murphy 🟧 @ChrisMurphyCT]

The heart of our constitutional crisis in one exchange between me and Sec. Mullin. When asked a simple question - if he will obey court orders - he says he will not because some court orders are "politicized".

That's not how democracy works. And that's why we are in a crisis.

[Rep. Jamie Raskin @RepRaskin]

We obviously can't take Todd Blanche at his word. Democrats and Republicans must join together to pass our bill to shut down Trump’s slush fund permanently (FOREVER!) and block any future presidential schemes to steer federal settlement money to themselves or private militias composed of cop-beaters and insurrectionists.

Even after the slush fund is crushed, Blanche's dirty deal will still include a Super Pardon for President Trump, his family members and all their businesses from criminal, civil and administrative prosecution for all offenses committed so far. How can he remain the top law enforcement officer for the American people when he's giving a bottomless stack of 'get out of jail free cards' to a lawless president and his family?

[Joe G @EastEndJoe]

The call is ALWAYS coming from inside the house. And I’m sure GA wasn’t the only state.

[Hakeem Jeffries @hakeemjeffries]

There it is.

The Florida House Speaker traded a gerrymandered congressional map in the middle of the decade for an Ambassadorship.

The culture of corruption is happening in plain sight.

Remember in November.

[Drey @thedreydossier]

Pete Hegseth just banned journalists from the Pentagon press office by declaring it a “classified space,” which a federal judge already ruled is unconstitutional. Rather than comply with the court order, they announced they would physically demolish the press corridor instead.

This tracks, because the pattern I keep finding is not subtle: federal infrastructure is being pulled under executive control and away from Congress, the courts, and the press. So when the same people suddenly decide journalists should not be wandering around the Pentagon anymore, forgive me for noticing the theme.

But, on the bright-ish side, I’ve been reporting from the outside this whole time and still managed to map the surveillance infrastructure they’re building in plain sight: the shadow .gov sites, the AI pipeline, and the ballroom that is somehow also a six-story underground military project. Every time they pull something like this, they don’t scare me off. They just make me want to dig deeper (preferably about six stories under the East Wing-deeper).

Subscribe to The Drey Dossier on Substack to follow along. It’s free, and always will be.

[Melanie D'Arrigo @DarrigoMelanie]

When Republicans talk about finding and prosecuting fraud, they never talk about the $80 billion in fraud stolen each year from taxpayers by private health insurance companies.

(It’s because they’re funded by the companies committing the fraud)

[Defund the USDA 2.0 @Dusty3080467325]

Maybe we can no longer afford to grow $4 corn in the west ??

In case you missed the biggest news that was lost to the circus that is our government, the USGS has released data showing that America's underground aquifer storing water is officially drying up.

Spanning approximately 174,000 square miles across eight states from South Dakota to Texas, the Ogallala Aquifer (High Plains Aquifer) is the lifeblood of American agriculture, providing roughly 30% of all groundwater used for U.S. irrigation.

However, the aquifer faces an existential crisis as massive agricultural extraction severely outpaces natural replenishment from rainfall. In some heavily farmed regions like the Texas High Plains, water levels have plunged by up to 80 meters (262 feet), leaving parts of the reservoir entirely depleted and threatening the long-term viability of the region's farming communities.

The consequences of this groundwater collapse extend far beyond localized dry wells.

The Ogallala sustains a massive $35+ billion agricultural economy, and as the water table drops, farmers are hit with skyrocketing extraction costs and dwindling crop yields.

This critical situation is not isolated; California’s Central Valley Aquifer, another vital agricultural engine, is suffering from similar severe, long-term depletion. Without aggressive water management and a shift toward sustainable farming practices, the depletion of these non-renewable resources risks destabilizing the nation's food supply and transforming once-fertile plains back into arid dust bowls.

source: USGS

[evan loves worf @esjesjesj]

Whenever he says “most people don’t know that” he means he didn’t know that

[JerryRigEverything @ZacksJerryRig]

The richest guy on the planet is about to rob your 401K. 👍

[Hedgeye @Hedgeye]

Rule changes for the SpaceX $SPCX IPO:

Index providers waived the profitability requirement and cut the seasoning window from 90 days to 5.

This forces over $30 trillion in passive 401k and retirement money to buy SpaceX at IPO valuations.

Bloomberg Intelligence estimates S&P 500 funds must absorb 19% of SpaceX's float within 6 months.

Russell 1000 and Nasdaq 100 funds will absorb 24%.

The rules built to protect passive investors:

1. S&P 500 has required 12 months of trading and 4 quarters of GAAP profitability since 2002. Both waived.

2. Nasdaq cut its inclusion window from 90 trading days to 15.

3. FTSE Russell cut its to 5.

All three benchmarks are now structured to buy SpaceX at IPO pricing.

[Edward Grefenstette @egrefen]

SpaceX being rammed into indices with no profit requirements, seasoning, and generally looser constraints is economic terrorism. Index trackers will eat the loss when reality catches up and retail investors will suffer.

[WarMonitor @TheWarMonitor]

If someone has to take a cognitive exam four times within an 18-month period, they're not just looking for dementia...

they've already found it.

The fact that he's confusing it with an IQ test only shows that it's worsening.