Zach Kirby

I do bad things

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

It’s not just a Monday vibe.

[Jay Houdini 🚀 @Houdinijay615]

Days starting to feel like...

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

If you don’t think Steve Harvey’s reactions on family feud are gold, feel free to skedaddle on out of my life.

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

Nothing says “fitness” like ripping heaters outside the gym

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

Now hiring: person to walk my drunk ass through TSA like a puppet

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

Hollywood, how are you going to tell me that the main characters of spy movies are always dimes? As if no one is going to notice some fine ass human always walking around causing problems..

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

You ever think “lawyers are just people who take dad jokes a little too far”

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

You good my guy? @totalfratmove

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

@Kwab15 @olivegarden But you took her to cafe Roma broooo

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

@TaylorMolitoris Are you a wizard?

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

I have just received confirmation from a real wolf that I was, in fact, correct. #goodboy is an effective countermeasure against wolves.

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

Wolves are basically big corgis, idk what Liam Neeson's deal was.. just tell it that it's a good boy #problemsolved

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

I'll be the first to say it: where the fuck is aquaman when you need him?

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

Cal Poly San Luis Obispo is lit. Literally, it's on fire 🔥

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

College is walking across campus and seeing a random girls Nuva Ring in the middle of the lawn.

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

@lexmurrayy One awkward thing, one thing that makes noise and one thing that is utterly unpredictable

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

Honestly, I was expecting WAY worse results when I googled naughty beavers. #PleasantlySurprised yet disappointed

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

College freshman are like dinosaurs. They're awkward looking, screech and are highly unpredictable #college #EarthWindandFire #Trump

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

People: U don't know what you're doing, why are you so happy?
Me: I'm goin' somewhere and the only thing that'll stop me is death or a treat

[Zach Kirby @Crocadildundee]

#hurricaneirma2017 is basically a newborn croc. Not even a challenge. I want @SharknadoSYFY, now. Irma should be #MissAmerica