CroissantFace Tiggas

1997 Ms. Dairy Queen runner up and professional wingman.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Trump pleaded the Fifth.

It took a massive criminal investigation to finally make him shut the fuck up.

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

When Yoga is too peoplely, the truly zen thing to do is to find your center and walk out. Remember, your downward dog is special, don’t just give it to anyone #WorthIt #RespectYourself #SelfCare2020 #MovementTowardsTheDoor #NewYearSameMe #TheMoreYouKnow

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

If the hotel is called Red Roof Inn, and it catches on fire.... is that karma or irony?? Asking for a friend. #Details #FrugalThis #Karma2019 #HopeItDoesntCarryInto2020

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

Since I’m a huge fan of international holidays... would it be international women’s day without recognizing these women and their contribution to ministry? I… https://t.co/KsxoPoSg7r

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

@heathermeschef3 I’d show you but my coccyx just healed #DadIsProud #Iswear

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

I vowed to eat more vegetables in 2019, so I’ve switched to Bloody Mary’s. Life is really all about the compromise. #StartingFresh2019 #TwitterThoughts #TheMoreYouKnow

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

How to avoid family drama on Thanksgiving.... don’t go. #Thanksgiving2018 #BeerNotFamily #AlcoholDoesntTalkBack #PieNeverLetsYouDown #NothingWrongWithGasStationDonuts

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

Local patrons give you the best self esteem boost, “low cal diet huh? I see No bread.” Said while stuffing your face with French fries, a steak covered in cheese, and a beer accompanied by a mixed drink #FinallyLowCaliCanGetBehind #DrinkLocal #LowCal #TheMoreYouKnow

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

The best community is the one you never have to interact with but you know they’re there and thinking about you because they give you free stuff.... #AttachedToTheFrontDoor #AtTheBarWaitingForYou #MyKindOfCommunity #AloneInUnity #TheMoreYouKnow

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

When asked how I’m doing, I’m going to start answering honestly.. “a little gassy”, “mildly disappointed in my food choices”, “just escaped the 7th circle of hell, “was better before you started talking to me” #Truth2018 #YouAsked #TheMoreYouKnow

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

If my dog never comes to my office will he know I have a framed picture of someone else’s do in my desk? Asking for a friend.... #JacksonIsMySpiritAnimal #HeDoesntLikePeople #OnlyToleratesMe #MJisMyQueen

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

The cat just chased its tail into the wall vent, the dog angrily sighed from the couch after being woken up from the bang #12MonthsAndnStillAdickKat #OldMan #DoesntLikeFelines #KatzRuinAll #CatsAreAsses #BackyardBarnyard

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

People wonder why im single. I spoke out loud to one other human today, and at dusk fell asleep on the couch then finished the half chewed soggy chip in my mouth along with my whiskey when I woke up. #BallerLife #SingleWhoNeedsToMingle
#CallForaGREATtime

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

No need to #MakeAmericaGreatAgain, we’ve always been able to flush toilet paper #DownThePipe #TrueStandardOfACivilizedCountry #FlushThis #TwitterThoughts

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

Please don’t call me, just text me so I can ignore you. Otherwise I have to answer, pretend I’m interested in what you have to say, but that I’m just to busy. That’s a lot of multi tasking. #TwitterThoughts #TheMoreYouKnow

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

#WordsWithFriends is not the new #Tinder. Stop chatting with me and play the fucking game so I can destroy you and drive you further down the pathetic hole. #TheMoreYouKnow #TwitterThoughts

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

When the host at trivia calls you out for being on your phone. Bitch, I ain’t cheating.. I’m just trying to tune out your voice. #YouBringMeNoJoy #TheMoreYouKnow #TwitterThoughts

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

Skinned my knee. I apologize to every adolescent child I’ve told to #SuckItUp due to the same injury. The pain is unbearable, water is acid. I’ll have to take Monday off. Send #Opiate’s.

[CroissantFace Tiggas @CroissantFaceT]

Just drank a #MikesHardLemonade for the first time since high school. It was delicious. I am a fraud. #CallMeTrump #IswearILikeWhiskey