Shubh

[Imtiaz Mahmood @ImtiazMadmood]

This morning, there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door, I found a well-groomed, nicely dressed couple.

The man spoke first: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary." Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss his ass?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, he'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, he'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever he wants, and what he wants is to give you a million dollars, but he can't until you kiss his ass."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"

Me: "Well, maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?" Mary: "Oh, yes, all the time..."

Me: "And has he given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well, no, you don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and he kicks the shit out of you."

Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me: "So what makes you think he'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, he gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty dollar bill on the street."

Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"

Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass he'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to him, get the details straight from him..."

Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me: "Then how do you kiss his ass?"

John: "Sometimes we just blow him a kiss and think of his ass. Other times, we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."

Me: "Who's Karl?"

Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss his ass, and that Hank would reward you?"

John: "Oh no! Karl's got a letter Hank sent him long ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."

John handed me a photocopy of a handwritten memo From the desk of Karl's letterhead.

From the desk of Karl:
Kiss Hank's ass and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.

Drink tea but never coffee.

Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.

Eat chicken, but never lamb or beef.

Hank dictated this list Himself.

The moon is made of green cheese.

Everything Hank says is right.

Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.

Don't smoke but only weed.

Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.

Kiss Hank's ass or He'll kick the shit out of you.

Me: "This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."

Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."

Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked, we'd find this is actually Karl's handwriting."

John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary: "Not now, but long ago, he talked to some people."

Me: "I thought you said he was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're different?"

Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me: "How do you figure that?"

Mary: "'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"

Me: "Maybe Karl just made the whole thing up."

John: "No way! 'Hank dictated this list himself.'"

Me: " 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John: "You've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."

Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock...."

Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the moon came from the Earth has been discounted. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John: "Aha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"

Me: "You do?"

Mary: "Of course we do."

Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so. The list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying, 'Hank's right because he says he's right.'"

John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."

Me: "But.... oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary blushes.

John says: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."

Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary looks positively stricken.

John shouts: "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary sticks her fingers in her ears: "I am not listening to this. La la la la la la la la la la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that...."

Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."

Mary faints.

John catches her: "Well, if I'd known you were one of those, I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you, I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."

With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car and sped off.

[Swanand Kondolikar @SwanandBJP]

George Soros Network, Democracy & the Toolkit of Instigating Violence https://t.co/7BrDN2WxDl

[BHARATVA @vrkiyyer]

That b!got who during IK Gujral regime shared the list of Indian agents embedded in Iran, UAE, ME to Pakistan agencies.

[SUDHIR @seriousfunnyguy]

Hello @RahulGandhi, Your father silenced thousands of voices forever!

[Shubh @Cshubh]

@WealthEnrich Amul
Zoho
Zerodha
Balaji wafers

[Fundamental Investor ™ 🇮🇳 @FI_InvestIndia]

Tonight, I'll announce 6 Multi-bagger stocks which can become 100x in next 5 Years.

Retweet & Like if the ABOVE LINE is a Scam & is the Major Cause for Greed, Short Term Thinking, Wealth Destruction & Fear Of Missing Out in All !!

#FI

[Rishi Bagree @rishibagree]

1984 Sikh Genocide vs 2002 Gujarat Riots

[Swanand Kondolikar @SwanandBJP]

हमने तो 2019 में ही बता दिया था!!

[Swanand Kondolikar @SwanandBJP]

Vishva Hindu Parishad: विश्व हिंदू परिषद देशभर में चलाएगा ‘धर्म रक्षा अभियान’, विशेष कार्यक्रमों का होगा आयोजन https://t.co/vLsqwMQLmb

[Nilesh Shah @NileshShah68]

Sahib Biwi Aur Woh.

What’s app forward.

[Shubh @Cshubh]

@SeharShinwari Kashmir is a part of India.

[Rishi Bagree @rishibagree]

1923 :: Motilal Nehru wrote a MERCY PETITION to British Govt for his petrified son Jawaharlal to get out of Nabha jail in just two weeks of ‘harsh conditions’, since Nehru Ji got scared because a mouse ran over his hand.

The History we aren't taught.

[desi mojito @desimojito]

Dhruv Tatti living in Germany who gives his unnecessary fake gyan on every Indian topic is calling Akshay Kumar a Canadian.

Hypocrisy level : 786x72

[Singh Varun @singhvarun]

No wonder Modi gets elected every election.

[Swanand Kondolikar @SwanandBJP]

Dial 7030776161 and become 'Friends of BJP'.

@BJP4Maharashtra
@Dev_Fadnavis @cbawankule @satishnikambjp

[Swanand Kondolikar @SwanandBJP]

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[Swanand Kondolikar @SwanandBJP]

Skyroot Aerospace, a space startup from Hyderabad is set to create history as it launches India's first privately made rocket 'Vikram-S' to space tomorrow at 11:30 am.

All the best 🇮🇳🇮🇳💪💪

[Sameet Thakkar (Modi Ka Parivar) @thakkar_sameet]

Syed Akbar Sayed Hameed an AutoRickshaw driver of SambhajiNagar molested minor passanger girl. Frightened girl jumped from the running rickshaw got severe injury on head & is now very serious.

Syed Akbar Sayed Hameed Auto Driver 😡

[desi mojito @desimojito]

@_sayema Your hypocrisy level is 786x72