Curtis

shadow government employee | 27th amendment activist | will tweet anything for the right price

[Price Carter @priceacarter]

Moves like a DB that just got a pass break up...

[Curtis @Curtica1]

Me when I’m over all the beggars in here https://t.co/T6253F7kWC

[carter hambley @carterhambley]

please don’t come into my chocolate factory expecting some bullshit. this is a place of work. do not talk to my fat little employees

[Curtis @Curtica1]

The Monty Hall problem, but it’s someone who is really in the market for a goat

[Curtis @Curtica1]

Life Pro Tip - start your dishwasher when you leave for vacation. That way you have a chore waiting for you when you get home.

[Curtis @Curtica1]

@sloprules They know I’m close to hitting a milli parlay

[Curtis @Curtica1]

@MemeDitka Two K’s doesn’t give me the warm and fuzzies, but we ride regardless

[Curtis @Curtica1]

@RecklessEric @MemeDitka Good luck 🫡

[Curtis @Curtica1]

And that kid… that’s right; Ray Rice

[culture jpeg @culturejpg]

Muhammad Ali’s legendary "knockout" by a child is still one of the most wholesome sports clips ever

[Curtis @Curtica1]

Every slip has Jordan Walker in it, so he’s not going yard tonight folks

[brian @brianonhere]

Damn — that’s what i purchase my stuff with!

[Karen McGee @karenmotherof2]

You’re right — I realize now hydraulic scissor lifts are only safe in winds up to 35 mph — not 50 mph as I previously stated

[Underdog @Underdog]

On-deck hitter watching Mason Miller pump three straight 100mph fastballs by the batter

[Sam Sherman @Sherman_FFB]

Kirk Cousins agent

[Krutches @McDonaldsXBT]

"now lets cut to Jordan Spieth playing his second"

[Shane Ryan @ShaneRyanHere]

There's never a bad venue for the Masters, but I have to admit, I get a little extra pumped when it's at Augusta National

[G327 Bets @G327_]

BANGGGGG

[Curtis @Curtica1]

The bots in the replies 😂

[Richard Johnson @RichJohnsonNFL]

#Patriots RB TreVeyon Henderson releases a statement:

[Will Sennett @Senn_Spud]

I keep a baseball bat under my bed in case an intruder wants to hang a slider and get taken 450 dead center