Author: next book on the way, THE FAIRYLAND TRAVEL AGENCY. Cornbread dressing evangelist. Disappointed Cowboys fan. More than just a little misunderstood.
I wrote a very long, very detailed piece on @Medium where I assigned a specific country music song for each of the 254 counties of Texas. It's probably the weirdest thing you will read this year. https://t.co/tOPxklXnZB
When you see a posts that says "You have to get rid of X of these Y things" or "you can only choose one" please remember that the person posting it is a closeted psychopath Nazi Communist and you literally do not have to obey them by choosing, or getting rid of, anything
@emzanotti When my wife was pregnant with twins, we went to Barbados and took a cruise around the island. My wife got hungry and volunteered me to get her something to eat. I swiped a piece of cake, got caught, and explained that it was for my pregnant wife. They fixed her SO MUCH CAKE.
@DoctahDean I was in Washington the day after Phil Hartman died. Barry Goldwater died the next day. All of the flags went to half staff. I’m wandering around DC asking myself, “all this for Phil Hartman?”
@BruceFeiler I was walking through a park with my daughter. We ran across a place where a tree had been cut down. I said, “Do you know what kind of tree that is?” She didn’t know. I said, “Me neither. I’m stumped.”
@aliciaandrz I’ve lost thirty pounds; going to my nephew’s wedding in Missouri in October and hopefully will be down fifty by then, but expect no one will notice.