dennis trapney

My body type tells me how to dress

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

@thejoemoore Just drove on Sunset Blvd and hauled in maj tail crankin this

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

@brendankeegan Im only 20 miles away in Pelham!

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

@KitchenAidUSA we spent $1k on top line dishwasher and motor just broke 1yr 2month after purchase (1yr warranty)which is crazy. Out $400. Imagine if your car engine died at 36,001 miles

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

@JetBlue Leslie from flight 576 made sure my wife and newborn were well taken care of on a delayed flight tonight. Thank you!

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

@Delta flight 5146 plane is parked but no pilot/crew. Delayed 4 hours & we'll miss our wedding. Last trip they lost our luggage. Never again

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

Dear God, will my sex life improve? plz give me a sign

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

*pours milk in Xmas tree stand*
be prepared to say "you were right dear"

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

Don't say you know me and not get me slacks for xmas

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

Van Buren's wife grabbing his sideburns during intercourse

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

@aaronhertzog Bad Hombres (see translation)

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

I immediately shot the fraud wedding DJ cuz he wasnt wearing a black satin vest

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

Dear Marilo,
Im over 30 & can never make new friends

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

[waiter passes by for 20th time]
*meekly* ummm excuse me?

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

My favorite part of living in NYC is visiting the Statue of Liberty every day before supper

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

[a drawing of Dog Stevens chasing Cat Stevens]
Lorne Michaels: we'll call you Dennis

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

*gives bride & groom $40 Best Buy card

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

she's a real C U This Evening

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

I vape while I read Dilbert

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

*regains possession of families only vacation toothpaste. now controls bedtime

[dennis trapney @DILFmailbag]

@ellenqueue sweet burn