Things most Americans agree on:
Groceries cost too much.
Tariffs suck and make no sense.
Congress and Presidents shouldn’t trade stocks.
The debt is a mess.
The border should be secure, but legal immigration is good.
Endless wars are stupid, especially ones that nobody wants and have never been explained.
Americans are exhausted.
AI is like my new best friend that also might be trying to take my job, my ability to think for myself, and my humanity in the process. Yo like I love you, but WTF, but I still love you.
Diversity is actually awesome! The opposite is boring AF.
Canadians are super fucking cool.
Mexicans are chill.
Putin isn’t a good guy looking out for America’s best interest. Rocky IV and Miracle are great movies.
Good neighbors are a blessing.
Freedom of religion and coexistence without having to blow each other up is probably a good idea.
We all question, are we alone in the universe?
We all fuck up along the way.
Epstein didn’t hang himself.
The Trumps and Epstein were best friends for decades. It’s like Bert trying to tell us Ernie was just an acquaintance in the same social scene on Sesame Street back in the day.
The Cowboys suck. Go Birds!
Things we’re told to fight about:
Me.
Laptop.
Vaccines.
Transgenders in sports.
Pronouns.
That’s the joke.
Happy Mother’s Day to all — bio moms, stepmoms, bonus moms, animal moms, and the women whose hearts carry the love of motherhood in every form. To those longing to be mothers, those navigating loss, and those who nurture, guide, protect, and love without recognition — today is for you too.
Motherhood is not defined by one path. It’s found in compassion, sacrifice, patience, strength, and unconditional love.
Welcome home Reid, Victor, Christina, and Jeremy! 🫶
The Artemis II astronauts have splashed down at 8:07pm ET (0007 UTC April 11), bringing their historic 10-day mission around the Moon to an end.
I’d like to apologize to every MAGA supporter I ever mocked.
I should have been meaner to you and done it more often.
Because you deserve to be endlessly reminded of how fucking stupid you are.
@SammyObeid Pumped for your show tonight!! My Palestinian bestie wants to join me and my wife…. Any single tickets lying around?? 😂
She’s single and really pretty…
🤷🏻♀️ you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take 🏀 Go Illinois!
This is the interview Donald Trump didn’t want you to see.
His FCC refused to air my interview with Stephen Colbert.
Trump is worried we’re about to flip Texas.
The 2nd amendment is not for hunting, it is not for self protection
It is there to ensure that free people can defend themselves if god forbid government became tyrannical and turned against its citizens
He had a permit to carry
He was legally exercising his 2nd Amendment right.
He did not draw the weapon.
He was filming when they approached him.
They had taken his weapon from its holster before they shot him.
It was murder.
Three years and one month from today, I’m going to grab a pickax and pull those letters off that building, but I’m going to need help holding the ladder. Are you in? Applying for my carpenter’s card today, so it’ll be a union job!!!