Meggplant 🍆

Trust No One 👽 🛸

[Meggplant 🍆 @DVMegs]

The sheer audacity of older folks to be so entitled and impatient while also being so fucking slow.

[Meggplant 🍆 @DVMegs]

Today on “Truly Unbelievable Things That Happened At Work”: my coworker found a sheet of cardboard with what appeared to be actual human shit under her car. Actual. Human. Shit. Fucking wild.

[Meggplant 🍆 @DVMegs]

@theotherstoof Stoof the “polis” part literally means city…?

[Meggplant 🍆 @DVMegs]

My parents should have stopped at 1.

[danlet @evildanevil]

So it appears that i’m the gay cousin

[Rachel McCartney @RachelMComedy]

Before coffee: I want to die

After coffee: Alright! Let's buy the rope

[Meggplant 🍆 @DVMegs]

Listen, if I didn’t want to carry my gf’s giant, beautiful babies in the future, then I would be gnawing my uterus out of my body with my teeth rn like a rabid animal.

[Meggplant 🍆 @DVMegs]

@theotherstoof Por qué no los dos

[Meggplant 🍆 @DVMegs]

@theotherstoof You should try it sometime

[Meggplant 🍆 @DVMegs]

I never wanna go back to a job with unpaid breaks ever again. I’m making less hourly but taking home the same amount I was from my old job for the same amount of time 🫠

[clintoris @clintoris]

Am I inherently evil to my core or just a little dehydrated

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

there’s no mental health problem a cold dr pepper couldnt fix

[hot girl midsommar @verymimi]

some of you need to TRY a GUY named jesus christ

[Meggplant 🍆 @DVMegs]

Nothing like waking up at 6 am on a Saturday cause folks wanna *pop* *pop* some ducks by my house

[Meggplant 🍆 @DVMegs]

@theotherstoof You should be

[matchy🪱 @swearjaragain]

these are the crocs of a killer, bella

[Meggplant 🍆 @DVMegs]

@elainathepro Lmao of course you got Angela

[Meggplant 🍆 @DVMegs]

Well…

[Meggplant 🍆 @DVMegs]

It’s really fucked up that my body always decides to break down when I’ve got time booked off work. I did have plans but I guess I can just be dying instead that’s cool too