The closer you get to someone, especially someone who is above you in age, position, or authority, the more conscious you should become of the boundaries that come with that access. Familiarity should never make you lose respect.
One thing I have noticed about people is that the moment you give them access, some of them immediately begin to mistake access for equality. They become too comfortable, start talking to you anyhow, and gradually lose the respect they had for you before you became close.
Personally, the closer I become to someone, the more careful I become around them. My respect for you does not reduce because you have made yourself more accessible to me. If anything, it increases because I now understand that the access you have given me is a privilege, not a licence to become disrespectful.
I have been around my top boss, someone who brought me considerably closer to him. We discuss football, women, and almost everything else. He treats me like an age mate, like one of his guys, and it would be very easy to let that familiarity get into my head. But I never allow it to.
I still know exactly who he is and the position he occupies. I still accord him every respect he deserves, and if anything, I am even more careful around him because I understand the privilege of the access I have been given.
Access should make you more responsible, not more careless. Familiarity should deepen your respect, not destroy it.
The paradox of freedom is that it's built through voluntary restriction. In order to be free of the world you must become a slave to yourself. Your must impose your own rules, your own structure, your own constraints before the world does it for you, and you must follow it like slave.
The best way to honour someone who did a lot for you but regressed into someone you can no longer respect, is to remember the best version of them and be thankful for what they did for you. Even if they ultimately failed you, they gave you a great gift as proof of their love.
A lot of men create enemies by telling the truth in the most humiliating way possible. If you want influence inside real hierarchies, learn how to disagree without making the other person feel reduced, because once ego gets involved, people stop responding to logic and start defending pride.
I recently saw the case of the Uber driver who killed another motorist in a road rage. And it reminded me of this time we were riding in a bus from Ngong to CBD, and a bus conductor was being rude to my buddy (an operator).
I asked my buddy why he wasn't putting the dude in his place. He had a reason & the authority. Buddy told me that soon as he alights, the conductor will be the least of his problems. Like he was before we boarded that bus.
Said he could carry the conductor and his foulness home by escalating the situation, or leave him right where he found him: who had more to lose?
Problems are just problems, and they will never end. Our reaction, that's what decides how much that problem will weigh us down and for how long.
It's going to be terrible for that dude in that road rage incident. His life has taken a detour he might never escape. Both mentally and physically.
I recently saw the case of the Uber driver who killed another motorist in a road rage. And it reminded me of this time we were riding in a bus from Ngong to CBD, and a bus conductor was being rude to my buddy (an operator).
I asked my buddy why he wasn't putting the dude in his place. He had a reason & the authority. Buddy told me that soon as he alights, the conductor will be the least of his problems. Like he was before we boarded that bus.
Said he could carry the conductor and his foulness home by escalating the situation, or leave him right where he found him: who had more to lose?
Problems are just problems, and they will never end. Our reaction, that's what decides how much that problem will weigh us down and for how long.
It's going to be terrible for that dude in that road rage incident. His life has taken a detour he might never escape. Both mentally and physically.
If you cannot walk away, you must eventually accept terms written by someone who can. This applies to employment, relationships, friendships, and negotiation.
Lessons in Nairobi:
1. DON'T. LOOK. LOST in CBD! Just go around 50 times like your fellows. Most of them are lost too anyway. You will find the place eventually. Whether you find it with your phone & wallet intact, depends on how you look. .