ice berg benzo

krunk aint dead

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

@Cull_TheBoss @isotit Manatee? The sea cow? Not to mention real cows? Dogs of the pasture.

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

My sister was a bridesmaid in Matt Murdaugh’s wedding like 3 months ago lmao

[my take @mytakemytake]

The #murdaugh murders on Netflix is going to need more than one season…

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

Just your average butt dial. My kids will have absolutely no freedom.

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

I have the god given ability of resisting anything but temptation

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

Sobriety is fucking lame. Who even came up with this shit?

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

@isotit There’s a level of innebriation required to contain your surprised facial expression when something raunchy gets suggested in the bedroom and it is the equivalent to AT LEAST one Four Loko

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

Mfers want me to be sober for TWO years. When was the last time you heard of someone having freaky sex while sober? I’ll wait cuz apparently I got TIME.

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

Ya know, when I was a kid I used to joke about growing up to be a drugged out starlet. Here I am, a rather privileged white male, with bleach blonde hair, smoking a cig on the porch of my well furnished cabin at rehab in the mountains of New Mexico. I have arrived.

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

A quick, serendipitidious, look into the behind the scenes of what is actually a much more serious issue but cmon lets giggle anyways

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

This kid didn’t think I’s know he was an Op. Like no puts on THAT hard for their homies that they send texts for them.

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

Shabat shalom motherfuckers

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

Hardest shit i ever seent is when I went to Spain to visit @stayinurlanezmf w/ a new phone for her because her’s had been misplaced. She said “I’m not turning it on, i’m enjoying being off the grid.” EVEN THOUGH I WAS STAYING IN A HOSTEL AND HAD TO COMMUNICATE WITH HER EVERY DAY.

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

It always bugged me how long CVS’ receipts are. But I just realized it’s because they are giving you the most fire deals as coupons. Prolly just got 50% everything So i’m swag surfin. Then this cashier gives me ANOTHER receipt with fresh coupies. Am I about to light this shit up?

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

Don’t be a cunt to the planet

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

Fyest success story of all time:

My grandpappy invented the first treatment to multiple myeloma on his FIRST TRY. Straight up walked in the room, and then walked out and was like “We’re good.”

Mf’er was a schemer and I love my bloodline goodnight internet.

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

This is one’s of my best friend’s senior quotes and I often confront it when I ponder the question of nature vs. nurture

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

It’s not until you’ve graduated college that you realize how much you wish you could take a stumblebum out to lunch, drink the day away to his life story, and then wake up drunk to do it all over again on Saturday but in a jersey

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

My banking app’s facial recognition recognizes me wearing sunglasses and I think that means I have arrived

[🤧 @SHAAANEE_]

from dms to guts to blocked is really real 😂

[ice berg benzo @D_Squirts]

Found a very square, white piece of coarse paper that I thought looked like acid, but realistically, was a shredding from my printer nearby. Swallowed it for good measure, forgot about it for two hours, and now my phone keyboard is beginning to melt together