Hempie

Hard to believe I was the strongest sperm. The other 10 million must have been real losers

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

"These rattlesnakes can only be beaten with more rattlesnakes"

-National Rattlesnake Association

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

#LNFA Lions Not Fucking Around #ForwardDownTheField #DetroitMF

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

This #michiganstate team is hard to watch right now. I was more comfortable watching Jon Favreau on the phone in Swingers.

[Ryan H. Walsh @JahHills]

At the DMV. They said, wait in the designated area that best represents you. They categories were bananas: Downtrodden Optimists, Serial High Fivers, Mechanic Philosophers. This was as good as I could figure out. I just want to renew my license.

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

I was thinking "The Manning's are hilarious, it would be nice if they could dominate TV even more".

-NOBODY

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

This commercial told me to ask my physician if an oral treatment is right for me.
Will he talk to my wife for me?

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

Wait wait wait. The #Lions Fox announcers are Adam Amin, Schlereth, and Pink? Isn't Schlereth aka "Stink"?
So we got 2A a stink and a pink? Noice. #NFL

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

"They expect 2 more inches"
-Chicago weather.
-all of my former lovers.

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

To the victor go the spoils and the spoils are sweeeet. Thank you @JahHills #ImYou

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

YESSSS! This absolutely floors me

[Ryan H. Walsh @JahHills]

Aaaaaand the winners are @clashrebel
@DavidDavids @DanInLimbo! Email your mailing address to [email protected]. We're live Saturday night at @niceafest in Somerville, MA!
https://t.co/hQhHlMw1VI

[Ryan H. Walsh @JahHills]

We're giving away 3 copies of our newly released deluxe vinyl edition of I'm You (2019). We'll choose winners randomly from anyone who RT's this by Saturday (6/23) at noon ET.

Check out our new🔥single, "Superglued to You," here or anywhere you listen.
https://t.co/eFtZdKOEO6

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

@KevinRinke Seen worse than that in the last, let's say, 5 years. I saw a guy brag about his dick size and win.

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

If I was really made in God's image, wouldn't my dick be getting bigger as I get older, not smaller? I FINALLY know how to use the damn thing.

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

Kenobi just living alone in a cave, off the grid. No TV, no furniture, only dealing with an occasional Jawa, watching kids from a distance. He's living the dream.

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

After watching the intro to Kenobi I see how much time was wasted on episodes 1-3. That was really all we needed.

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

Why is there a baby formula shortage when there are so many titties?

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

Parents are gonna have to start cutting baby formula with cocaine. #ForTheChildren

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

Never seen someone so dedicated to spreading misinformation @elonmusk

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

Doing a shot of vanilla-caramel creamer must be like a shot of tequila for evangelicals.

[JEFF @jeffisrael25]

Will Smith got into a fight and won an Oscar. He’s an assist away from a Gordle Howe hat trick

[Hempie @DanInLimbo]

@MilesBridges Because Will Smith has sand in his vagina