Daniel Cook

VUSC '10 | CCU 19' | Former SID, current sarcasm provider

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

In July 2017 I was desperate. We had moved to Denver without jobs for multiple reasons, but chief among them was so I could pursue my dream of working in athletics. We had been in CO since March and I was no closer in July as when we had arrived and I was about to call it...

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

USA. A Mexican restaurant. We had not yet ordered anything, and the food was already arriving.

Chips. Salsa. Unrequested. Free.

I stopped the waiter. "We have not earned these."

"They just come with the table, man."

They come with the TABLE. In my land, hospitality is a debt. Every gift creates an obligation, weighed carefully, returned in the proper season with interest of feeling. Here, the gift arrives before you have even proven you can pay for dinner.

This is not an appetizer. This is a declaration: we trust you. Eat.

I ate with the gravity the moment deserved. And then — I must report this calmly — the basket emptied, and a new one appeared.

"Did we…?"

"Refill," the waiter said. "It's bottomless."

Bottomless. They have wells of salsa. The supply lines of this nation are beyond anything my ancestors imagined.

My friend warned me. "Don't fill up on chips, dude."

Too late. I had accepted three baskets. Honor demanded each one be finished — an unfinished gift is an insult. By the time my actual food arrived, I was a ruined man.

I was not hungry. I was not comfortable. I had been defeated by a courtesy.

Generosity that arrives before the request cannot be repaid. It can only be survived.

I know the rule now. I have made my peace with the basket. One basket. Two at the most.

Who am I deceiving. There is no number of baskets I would refuse. The trust of a nation is in that salsa, and I intend to honor all of it.

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

What!? You mean the department that did away with their entire athletic communications staff needs help with athletic communications!?? This is a shocking revelation 😒 I hope no one applies

[College Sports Communicators Jobs & Transactions @CSCcareers]

🚨JOB POSTINGS🚨
@CalAthletics
(University of California / Strawberry Creek Studios)
🚨HIRING Multiple Positions🚨
https://t.co/ynboOakUfA

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

@LDirectorsCup @Learfield @gvsulakers @WU_Bulldogs @UIndyAthletics @WTAMUBuffs @MinnStAthletics @tampaspartans @MinesAthletics @PittStGorillas @wusports @CatawbaIndians Not the Adams State logo on Colo. School of Mines placement. Come on guys, the logo says, “Adams” 🤦‍♂️

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

@derryl_golfer @midmajorball But where was she/what was she last year? She redshirted at BYU in 24-25 but she’s not on the roster (or any roster that I can find) for 25-26…?

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

I’ll say it again for @NCAASoftball …

STOP BEING LAZY AND ONLY SENDING CBU TO UCLA!!! This is such garbage, send the Lancers somewhere new, this is tired and careless. Do better

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

Ugh!! Sending CBU to UCLA again is so lame and lazy! Men’s soccer, women’s soccer, and women’s basketball twice…come on @MarchMadnessWBB, learn a new trick! #NCAAwbb #MarchSadness

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

@D1Softball @CBUSoftball @TarletonSB Can’t wait to see your post when you see how it ended, wow!

🚨 Spoiler alert 🚨

Top seventh comeback, bottom seventh walkoff!!

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

The best part about this video is that most of these shapes would make really great tracks 😮‍💨

[Kardashian de Software @oprimodev]

“Como as pistas de fórmula 1 são desenhadas”

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

@Brendencs14 @CBUbaseball @TarletonBase Well, there’s that. Seems like a low bar for a city nickname like that, but I definitely can’t fault @kcrewspxp for that, that’s on me.

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

The broadcaster calling @CBUbaseball at @TarletonBase just called Tarleton State/Stephenville “The City of Champions between the bottom of the fourth and top of the fifth and I can’t imagine that has EVER been uttered before. What a wild thing to say/claim.

[MLB @MLB]

Mike Trout is on a HEATER!

Repost and reply for a chance to win this Mike Trout @Topps Refractor card!

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

Imagine thinking you’re on the “cutting edge” of college athletics and the photo you choose to promote said groundbreaking revolution is some awful smart phone photo that has nothing college athletics and proves just how poorly this is going to go.

[Cal Athletics @CalAthletics]

Announcing Strawberry Creek Studios: uniting Cal Athletics' marketing, creative and communications units into a cutting-edge collaboration built to deliver on two primary objectives - revenue generation and authentic storytelling.

Learn more: https://t.co/rBHG56o4Xc

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

Mike Trout is SO back! I’m so excited for this season!

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

Apparently the “Co-Athletic Directors” at Berkeley didn’t see how badly this failed at Vandy a few years back and how asinine this non-plan is. The fact that they don’t have a plan to fill the holes this leaves for the next season is troubling.

[Jeff Faraudo @JeffFaraudo]

Tough changes coming to Cal Athletics
https://t.co/FRvcRyfNBk

[CoSIDA Ham @CoSIDAHam]

Baseball/Softball coaches after seeing the Artemis II images

"So I have an idea for a new tournament location..."

[MLB @MLB]

JO ADELL JUST ROBBED A THIRD HOME RUN TONIGHT

HE JUMPED INTO THE STANDS 🤯

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

Holy web gems! @JoShowAdell with THREE home run robberies tonight and the third is the early season leader for Catch of the Year!! Wow wow wow!!

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

Using those two teams was not an accident 😂

Well done @lids

[Lids @lids]

On a losing streak? Yeah… we fixed that 🧢

The Bandwagon Fitted™ lets you switch teams instantly—so you’re always on the winning side 🏆

Coming soon to a Lids near you 👀

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

@derryl_golfer @MarchMadnessWBB I would have worked the Ft. Worth game for free if they were here haha! But yeah, I thought they deserved better

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

Ugh!! Sending CBU to UCLA again is so lame and lazy! Men’s soccer, women’s soccer, and women’s basketball twice…come on @MarchMadnessWBB, learn a new trick! #NCAAwbb #MarchSadness

[Daniel Cook @DanielJCook88]

@CBUwbb Olson*