Quantz University™

Unburdened by what has been

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@OzKaterji @RachelMoiselle She’s worse than that actually

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@TVietor08 She ran out of money, in part, because you and Favs put your weight behind the Nazi sympathizer. YOU helped us get here you fuckin ding dong

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@MarcoFoster_ @KyleKulinski Kyle realizes that all the looney left’s credibility is on the line with P Hustle. If this ends with Collins keeping her seat, no one will want to hear from them again.

[Lyndsey Fifield @lyndseyfifield]

Anyone who has ever extracted themselves from a relationship with a narcissistic abuser knows it isn’t clean or easy.

I cringe remembering how many times I tried to play the “cool girl” or fawn in response to what was clearly abusive, coercively controlling behavior by Graham.

I also know how dangerous it is to become the target of a narcissist — so even long after our relationship ended I continued to be upbeat any time he reached out, though I would also immediately shut down any attempts on his part to initiate flirting or romanticizing of the past.

Yes, the day I saw him announce he was running I wanted to make sure people knew he had a Nazi tattoo — and I was terrified he would find out it was me.

But of course he knew it was me.

What’s ironic is I absolutely never would have shared my story if he hadn’t been relentlessly attacking my character behind the scenes for months once the tattoo story came out.

I tried to signal that I wasn’t the source and stayed completely silent about him on social media even as most of my friends posted regularly about what a bad person he is.

But then in early April the New York Times came to me. I asked how they got my number. I said I was not interested in sharing my story. They said but wait—there are other women. Women terrified to tell their stories, too, and you need to band together. WE will help you. We will protect you. Men can’t keep getting away with this.

Hours before their first call to me I saw Eric Swalwell’s name plate get removed from his office door in Cannon. It felt like fate.

I welcomed the two journalists into my home days later, nervous and overwhelmed. Justin Fairfax had just murdered his wife and himself the previous day and even conservative pundits were conjecturing that “if only those women hadn’t accused him of abuse, this never would have happened…”

But I told them my story. I let them take pictures of my diary pages. I sent them screenshots of messages and gave them phone numbers and contacts. It was excruciating. I was surprised by what details I remembered, and as I poured through old messages I was horrified by how much I had forgotten.

I explained very clearly that, like many women abused by their partners, I had not told anyone about his violence at the time—I had covered for and defended it. I accepted his earnest apologies. They said that’s fine because the diary entries and my on the record story was enough.

They connected me to two of the other victims so we wouldn’t feel so alone. I insisted to each of them that I trusted the NYT journalists and that we were doing the right thing despite their (sadly very accurate) sense that something was wrong.

One of the victims and I realized our relationships with Graham overlapped completely - he had been cheating on both of us the entire time we were together.

I should note here that my life is just… beautiful. These are the best years of my life. Raising two young girls in a safe, beautiful neighborhood where I work from home and shuffle my children from dance classes and soccer to church events — I am blessed far beyond what I deserve with wonderful friends and family and the most loving, brilliant husband in the world. Why would I blow my life up like this? Why would I risk the psychotic doxxing from violent leftist activists?

Because while I have been terrified to come forward I decided this was the “hard right thing” to do. The guilt of staying silent has nagged me.

Most therapists recommend a “gray rock” approach to extracting yourself from narcissistic abuse — it works really well, but it is a gift to the abuser, allowing them to persist in their delusion that they’ve done nothing wrong.

I couldn’t stay silent as he continued to lie and lie and lie. I want my daughters to boldly speak out if they’re ever abused as I was.

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@KarluskaP Love this guy

[Lyndsey Fifield @lyndseyfifield]

Great question and I wish I had answered that in my thread (I have not slept and have small children)

I will try to explain:

In my experience in the "before times" (before Trump broke everyone's brains and TDS spread throughout the land), generally everyone in DC got along just fine and were friends and dated no matter what party affiliation (no, really) and nobody called each other "nazis" - so when he told me "this is my totenkopf" and poked his tattoo, he explained that he got it because he and his group of Marines were "killers" just like the guys who used that logo so it wasn't really a *nazi* thing it was just a *special unit* thing that he claimed preceded WWII (NO idea if that's true).

I grew up in a heavily military family and was socializing in a very heavily post-9/11 vets community at the time and they all had different kinds of logos and emblems and maybe this will fall flat, but I accepted that reasoning and only after we'd broken up when I saw him continue to tell people different versions of the story (like, while he was shirtless at the bar—which he was often) that I realized he was trying to distance himself from the fact that he got it deliberately. I heard him once tell someone "it's a nazi tattoo but I didn't know what it was when I got it" and I looked at him like "ummm bro why are you lyinggg?" and he looked back at me with a terrifying, hateful face.

Because when you pierce the delusion/lies of a narcissist they will try to destroy you.

And that is what he's been doing behind the scenes for months... but lol it won't work because I don't work in DC anymore I'm a SAHM in the suburbs and my kids can't fire me because I make the pancakes (and they kinda like me). 🥰

[Lyndsey Fifield @lyndseyfifield]

I bucked all advice from my friends (and resisted my conservative bias) and decided to fully trust the Times journalists.

As they left my home they asked that I not talk to any other outlets and I insisted then and repeatedly over the following weeks that I would keep my word and only share this story with them.

But then the weeks dragged on. They kept coming back to us saying the editors needed more. I needed to go on the record (okay). We need more screenshots (okay). I met every bench mark they set, eager to provide more sources or evidence as needed.

After the story went up I began to ask them … wait, where are the stories from the other women? Where are their accusations of sexual assault? Why am I the focus? Why are there 11 paragraphs dedicated to detailing my work history (more than has been published about Graham’s by far)?

Why does it say “nobody could corroborate” when I offered them sources that COULD corroborate?

Why did they include an out of context quote from a friend joking “do not call Graham” after I called off my wedding? (Because she knew I would never).

Where were the screenshots they’d said they would use? Or the mention that I’d supported local democrats and that most of my family (and husband) are liberal?

The editors said it was too much, they explained.

The Times also failed to include any mention that I DID confide in multiple friends through the years that Graham had been abusive — long before he was running for office. Those friends confirm they told the Times so.

It dawned on me that this really was a set up all along. The journalists I trusted who convinced me to share a story I never wanted to tell methodically delayed and twisted this into a gift to the Platner campaign. Violating the trust of his victims. Shattering the trust I placed in them with the most vulnerable story of my life.

And at the end of my call with them I reluctantly accepted their insistence that this was still a powerful story and that I had done a brave thing. And I thanked them for all the hard work they had put into it.

Still fawning after all these years.

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@jonfavs @Jon_Favreau No. They’re grateful for your help tanking the Maine senate race.

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@Acyn Literally every single thing he says in this is an obvious lie. Like, wtf are we doing here?

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@neeratanden To think the Dems once forced Franken out so we’d have the moral high ground with Doug Jones … 😒

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@PatrickSvitek @OurRevolution “Sought redemption?!” That’s just fan fiction right there. Platner’s a stone cold sociopath and the only thing he’ll ever regret is covering his tattoo.

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@evanwch ALSO, he said he’d like to rape a man but NOT in a gay way which a lot of those same men can totally relate to.

[Yemisi Egbewole @yemisi]

Some of y’all would let a blind man lead you straight off a cliff. He knew about the tattoo. He is lying to you. You are in a narcissistic gaslighting relationship with a weak candidate. This is abnormal and it didn’t have to be this way.

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@mkhammer He’s so obviously a sociopath. Just watch his eyes when he talks. Creepy af

[Mary Katharine Ham @mkhammer]

I’ve heard of this guy as a dark and imbalanced character for years. Women know that special kind of friend’s ex whose full-ass name you know long after they dated bc of the badness, and then he runs for Senate, and you’re like “wait, THAT GUY?!” And it’s hard to speak up about a guy like that, who has quite a bit of power and seeks more, but my friend Lyndsey’s accusations are specific and detailed about what happened and didn’t, backed by physical diaries and texts from long before he ran. They confirm that a man with a Nazi tattoo does indeed have a bunch of bad decisionmaking and impulse control problems and his behavior can be more than unsettling. If he’s healing, which last week’s story doesn’t indicate, he should do it somewhere other than the Senate.

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@cbouzy He’s such a bad liar

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@magi_jay “Had a Nazi SS tattoo for 20 years” should also have been enough ffs

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@krystalball @grahamformaine There were THREE women in the story. Only one was a Republican and her story WAS corroborated. Stop lying

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@nathanTbernard Ok but is it true?

[Quantz University™ @DanielQuantz]

@kenklippenstein Good instincts