danny

[Aidan James @mcandidate]

just back from A&E - the hospital had to sew my sides back together after watching Alley Cats. what a show! he's done it again. all I can say is, woke snowflakes and the easily offended need not apply!! 🤭🤭

[my life is a living hell. every minute is torture @on_da_spectrum]

gf: I know you’ve been working on it, but don’t do your Indian rockabilly guy impression at dinner

me: but

gf: no buts

(hours pass, taking my first sip of beer for the meal)

me: {so much more racistly than I practiced} well it is a one, too, tree oh clock, foor oh clock rock,

[danny @DannyyJohnsonnn]

@ijustlovebeans not sure

[danny @DannyyJohnsonnn]

swear saliba was baresi

[GoliathFan1952 @ByYourLogic]

Polish Oppenheimer looking into the middle distance after his 200th attempt at a baking soda and vinegar volcano succeeds after 10 years of trial and error: Oh my god. This will end all life on earth if we’re not careful

[Blake ™ @NeilNevins]

took my adult son (who I hate) to see Bad Guys 2. We saw a trailer for Freakier Friday and he said “it would be pretty funny if that happened to us.” No it wouldn’t.

[danny @DannyyJohnsonnn]

@SwigDawg would never join your small club

[Dewi Crabbe @DewiCrabbe]

@_ROUNDTHEBEND__ A new cover for my gas meter

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog & will do it again--just watch. He can do much better!

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

I got fucking slopppyyyy last night lmfao. It's embarrassing man i'm not drinking again ever

(Me at 4am the night before, speaking my best friend of 9 years): Bro.. it's giving friendship

[forbiden widsom @powcampsurvivor]

my dullard roommate: hey can we use the tv for the big game?

me: Ah, “the big game,” enjoy your juvenile pursuit. not to worry, I’ll be in my study.

[danny @DannyyJohnsonnn]

@ajhommedeterre you mean X? 😆 I’ve started uni again so I think Easter’s when I have any extended time off, but daywise wednesday thursday is always good!

[danny @DannyyJohnsonnn]

i’m in dreamworld

[Family Guy @FamilyGuyonFOX]

Happy Thanksgiving! We've saved a spot for ya at the table. #familyguy

[We want brian back @wewantbrianback]

Last night on Family Guy, Brian Griffin died. Retweet if you want him back.

[Le Cinéphiles @LeCinephiles]

are you saying we push that button there's a chance she leaves us on read?

[danny @DannyyJohnsonnn]

rice getting manhandled by a child i hear

[danny @DannyyJohnsonnn]

@merryn444 @FinesseEness what’s peach girl