Dave Lim Kopi

Comedian created by @fakeMOE.
Distant relative of Steven Lim.
Loves to irritate teachers.
The bane of Singapore's education system #sgedu.

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

Me: Mom, fuck you! (slap)
Mom: (Stunned) What did u just do?!
Me: Mom, u everytime hit or scold me will say 打是疼, 骂是爱. Learn from you lor.

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

I wanted to cheat for PSLE but I got outsmarted. :(
http://t.co/NwrO7SxM
#DaveFML #sgedu

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

Mum: Boy, C for PSLE Chinese? U need 华文补习.
Me: Dad needs it too?
Mum: Huh?
Me: Last night I heard him screaming for u to give him some 补习.

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

Today PSLE result day.
Ben: Dave, what u get?
Me: 111.
Ben: Oh no, is that why u look so sad?
Me: No, I missing one more 1 to make a wish.

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

Dave's back!

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

#StudyingInSingapore is like studying in a China gas chamber.
The smell is the Tiong's secret to success.
#sgedu

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

Teacher write on the whiteboard.
T: Which is bigger? China or India?
Me: Cher, depends on how big your handwriting is.
T: ...
#DaveQ #sgedu

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

#ThingsThatShouldBeBanned
My parent's nagging.
#DaveQ #sgedu

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

#InappropriateFuneralSongs Love The Way You LIE (in your coffin) #DaveQ

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

#WhyImSingle - My right hand.
#DaveQ #sgedu

[Nicholas Tan @museoramuse]

During 8am class, T: Dave! Why r u sleeping? D: Cher, u told me to dream big! Don't sleep how to dream? T: .. @fakeMOE @fakeNUS @DaveLimKopi

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

Me: I'm unable to do the holiday homework
Teacher: Why?
Me: I don't own a home yet. Only a room. Holiday roomwork?
Teacher: …
#DaveQ #sgedu

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

Dave's Guide to how to spend your 1 week break:
Mon - Zzz.
Tue - Zzz.
Wed - Zzz.
Thu - Zzz.
Fri - Zzz.
Sat - Play!
Sun - FML.
#DaveQ #sgedu

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

Dad: I 8-2 be an Arsenal fan right now.
Me: I 2-1 to learn or speak Chinese anymore.
#DaveQ #ChinaVsSGP #sgedu

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

Teacher: How r u spending ur weekend?
Me: At H&M.
Teacher: With that queue?!?
Me: AT H&M… At Home & Masturbating.
Teacher: ...
#DaveQ #sgedu

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

I'm back! #sgedu

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

Every night I hear dad moaning at mum in their room "I need your 补习!"

He so old liao still want tuition?

#DaveQ #badSGjokes #sgedu

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

I swear my school is a terrorist organization.
Why are there so many weapons around?
CANON printers, CANON cameras, ...
#DaveFML #sgedu

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

Dave is on holiday...

holiday tuition camp. FML

He will be back tweeting once the new semester starts!

#DaveQ #sgedu

[Dave Lim Kopi @DaveLimKopi]

Tutor: Dave, did you do your homework?
Me: I sprained my hand.
Tutor: Stop lying!
Me: Huh? I'm standing what!
Tutor: ...
#DaveQ #sgedu