David Sanders

I live entirely for pleasure (apart from work and that's pretty good too)!

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

I am listening to the President of the United States at Davos. He is just rambling. When will Congress wake up?

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

Thoughts and prayers but let’s not actually do anything.

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

Is there no beginning to Trumpty Dumpty’s knowledge, wisdom and intelligence?

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

@MoonpigUK, I have unsubscribed from your emails 6 times this week but keep receiving Mother’s Day reminders. My mother died last year. How many more times do I have to unsubscribe?

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

Dear far right protesters, we don’t like people like you in this country. If you don’t want to live in a tolerant society then please fuck off somewhere else.

[Omid Djalili @omid9]

The world is finally aware that the “Islamic” Republic of Iran have been funding and training the terrorists that attacked Israel. So here are SOME QUESTIONS FOR THE REGIME:

HOW DO YOU EVEN DARE TO SPEAK OUT against Israeli oppression, when 10M Jews, Christians, Bahá’ís and Muslims have left Iran for fear of being killed or meaninglessly executed?

HOW DO YOU DARE TO TRY and align yourselves with an oppressed people, when you’ve raped & slaughtered your own people for the past 44 years?

HOW DO YOU DARE TO SPARK A WAR THAT NO ONE WANTS except a fanatical minority which celebrates the slaughter of Israeli civilians, including hundreds of women & children?

HOW DO YOU DARE DISPLACE 260,000 Palestinians so children continue to be born in Gaza with no prospects other than a choice between misery or death?

NO ONE WANTS more war crimes inflicted on yet more civilians. What is coming is chilling. And it will get worse:
Russia backing the IRI because they’re dependent on the IRGC for military hardware & drones, war in the Ukraine, the US parked in the Mediterranean and Israel fighting Hamas in the south, Hezbollah in the north and potentially the IRI too, it’s a world war that will affect every single one of us.

If we are humanitarians, everyone of us on this platform must call for a cease fire immediately. We know what each side is capable of. Killing more innocent people gets us nowhere other than a fast track to Armageddon.

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves”

Oh dear you thought wrong.

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

@CrikeyCroydon There is a family of them living in Park Hill. Somewhere…

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

@SoVeryBritish ‘Let’s go around the room and say a little bit about ourselves’.

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

I saw @elliotsteelcom’s Edinburgh preview gig tonight. It was shocking, horrible and utterly depraved. Standup as it should be. Just bloody funny!!

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

@SoVeryBritish Danger Mouse.

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

@SoVeryBritish I love all of these and agree!! But, to all the Americans out there, how accurate are they?

[CODA @CODASHOWS]

CODA are deeply saddened to learn of the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. We join with the Royal Family and people around the world in mourning her.

We offer our deepest condolences to the Royal Family.

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

Watching the South Park movie, I have just been reminded of Saddam Hussain. Oh when I think back to those Halcyon days when he was the worst we had to deal with…

[Inside Croydon @InsideCroydon]

Do you have what it takes to play a role alongside Mr Darcy? https://t.co/pLBmNLZnvY

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

I’m finally watching Black Widow. My favourite Avengers character. Worst Avengers film.

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

My first go! Terribly smug.

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

I saw @poofsRus and @fatjacko doing standup in Caterham tonight. (Well, figuratively speaking...) Utterly hilarious!

[David Sanders @DavidMSanders]

Never mind your whamageddon. For me Christmas starts when I hear Fairy Tale of New York. And, as a gay man, I say leave the lyrics alone. (You are welcome to be offended.)