Big Dave

it all comes out in the wash

[𝐔𝐧𝐟✭𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞¹ @Unf8able1]

C’mon man, leave him alone already😂😂😂

[Who's Next @WhosNextShow]

My eyes so red

[Johnny @htownrocket78]

When everyone says you can’t murder or play cornhole without arms and legs

[𝙋𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙡 𝙍𝙞𝙘𝙠 @PistolRick]

How a 22oz frosty mug of Coors light and 37 tvs at the sports bar look at me when I’m in a Teams meeting

[nba paint @nba_paint]

If you remove the basketball from everyone, Bam Adebayo's night would rank 1st all-time.

Most points in single game
1. Wilt 100
2. Bam 83
3. Kobe 81

Most points without basketball
1. Wilt 0 (100-pt game)
1. Bam 0 (83-pt game)
1. Kobe 0 (78-pt game)
--
T-1. Ron Baker 0

[︎ ︎venom @venom1s]

First in my bloodline to read this sentence.

[Riley @Ri_S_OB]

LeBron never did that

[Raymond Summerlin @RMSummerlin]

Need a leaderboard like peloton

[Tyler Garret Smith @ArenaFanatic]

When you cook up a 4 leg parlay and only one hits.

[ego @notmalkinego]

how tough am i? i watched every snap of the pittsburgh steelers offense from 2022-2026

[GhettoGronk @ghetto_gronk]

The final minutes of Steelers vs Ravens

[Steve 🇺🇸 @SteveLovesAmmo]

Always be training 😂😂

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Tweeth Mitchell @tweeth_mitchell]

After waiting for the green to clear from 250

[KenHeLive @KenHeLive]

The youngest player in the league broke a record the oldest player in the league set 3 years before he was born.

[mau @rllydu]

my ducks: in a row
my elephant: addressed
my eggs: several baskets
my bigger fish: fried

[Big Cat @BarstoolBigCat]

BULLY

[bobby @bobbylikesbeers]

me reading captain underpants