Defunct.Underscore

Sacrilegious? Fuck yeah I'm sack religious. Worship that mf sack 🏳️‍🌈

[Defunct.Underscore @Defund_]

@mouseburrow No I'll fuck your dad

[chipmunk but a girl @chipettemunk]

at my old job i was DMing a dnd one shot at a table with 2 trans guys named “Brennan” and “Mercer” and when we introduced ourselves they looked at each other and sighed

[weird medieval guys @WeirdMedieval]

@MisterGravyBoy would you rather eat someones eyes or their hole

[Cats for Happiness. @JoyfullCat]

Me: Sorry I've got plans this weekend.

My plans:

[The 4Chan Archives @blacknredtext]

submission from @epicartworks

[kodark.io @kodarkio]

@fesshole “their nan’s roast will change your life bro” meanwhile it’s just dry beef, burnt potatoes and social obligation

[Kivvy Cat! @KivvyCat]

was talking with a normie co-worker and he brought up his friend who works at Lockheed Martin and I said, "Oh shit, is he working on the child seeking missiles"
Let me tell you, that was NOT the correct dialogue option.

[katyakay @katyakayy]

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said maybe they'll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age.

[The Mayor From Jaws @OvertCanadian]

Guy who sucks at building boats: no, it's supposed to be like that. I made it like that on purpose.

[mEh @zwuizz]

This insinuates that Hitler existed in the zootopia universe

[Kiwi 🥝 @Kiwi_9908]

Visiting my best friend’s cat and she’s trying her best to explode me with her mind

[Elena @omnialnchristo]

So excited for my baby’s first sentence. I speak only Finnish to him while my husband speaks only Afrikaans, often simultaneously, all while speaking English to one another in front of him. I cannot comprehend how he is going to form a sentence, but trust the plan

[shadoomf🪲🇵🇸(homunculus enjoyer) @Shadoo_creeture]

Discovering tool use and the first thing you do with that monumental power is scratching your testicles

[8bel🦅 @AbelUnrulyone]

To the lady who made my bagel today I actually love you

[Brandon Streussnig @BrndnStrssng]

How do you know he’s not doing this out of hate and spite? You don’t.

[grimace @siIIymonkey]

party rocking with a mouse tonight
piece of cheese im gonna have a big bite

[faith @girlcel_]

me: c-conditioner? w,,what? you want me to rub this gel into my hair to,,, to condition me,,,? ah,, t,,that's so,,,, >_< w,,what are you going to condition me to do?? y,, you're making my,, head all soft,,, i feel it working,, ouhh

gf: (finally able to throw away my 2 in 1) okay