Derek Pyle

[Gio Benitez @GioBenitez]

BREAKING: An overnight computer glitch has allowed thousands of American Airlines pilots to drop their scheduled flights. The union says at least 12,000 flights are now without pilots starting tomorrow through the end of July. -@SweeneyABC

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

True love is finding someone who wants to watch the same 10 TV shows on repeat as you for the next 5 decades

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

Local radio hosts vamping over product placements with no script is the best. "Need a roof? What are you gonna do, use a bad roof company, you idiot? Call Local Roof Guys -- I've gotten 37 roofs from them and couldn't be happier, I even buy them as stocking stuffers for friends"

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

More like Blow Manchin amiright

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

I dont mind form rejection emails about not getting a job, its better than no response... but dont invite me to follow you on LinkedIn, I dont want to read your intern's bootstraps porn blog post about how your CEO wakes up at 4AM to run 7 miles while reading to blind orphans

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

ACAB

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

Bullock, Hickenlooper, O'Rourke ( again ) sure wish you were running for Senate instead of .004 of the vote in the NH primary

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

Playoffs @jacobwolk #JacobWolkForever #HisHipsDontLie

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

Fleetwood Mac is the greatest band of all time and if you disagree you're v v wrong

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

To the thief who stole my shopping bag but returned the stuff you didn't want: thanks I guess ?

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

What do you mean, philosophical sticky note in the Silhouette men's room. What do you meannnn

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

You can pull up names in your phone contacts by the keypad letters

AND

Mom = 666

[Ray Lucas @RayLucas06]

This team is legit!!!! Send ur thoughts for me @BartScott57 @willcolon66 to answer using #SNYJets on @snytv Post Game show after the game ends

[Dennis Waszak Jr. @DWAZ73]

Also: @BartScott57 adds on @SNYtv that he spoke to @DLeeMG8 and told him where he was coming from.
"If I've gotta be the bad guy where he says, 'You know what? I'm going to shut this man up,' I'll do it all day for Jet Nation." #Jets

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

Coming to NBC this fall: the idea of a hospital prioritizing patient care over profit margins is so outlandish, we're going to romanticize it! Starring Ryan Eggold. #NewAmsterdam

[Doug Polk (Code Doug) @DougPolkVids]

I'm giving away 3% of my winnings in the $10k #WSOP Main Event!

Enter to win here: https://t.co/0nZysOpciM

Good luck!

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

@ltbtags @andydresser @steveklise @NHLBruins @thejustinrose Fuck yeah

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

@ltbtags @andydresser @steveklise @NHLBruins @thejustinrose Yo you got projector pics or is that classified girl

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

I don't know what I was looking for in the Godfather novel but a detailed vaginoplasty of Sonny's bastard's mother was not it

[Derek Pyle @DerekPyle]

love the old guy casually doing book outside the cafe on my corner. get your bacon egg and cheese and put $100 on the cubs while youre at it