Derek J. Welker

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

People from Chicago and small towns walk across the street whenever they want.

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

You know the point where you’ve drank enough coffee for the morning and anymore would only be indulgent? That cup, that’s the good one.

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

Vanilla yogurt is unappreciated.

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

“Quoth the raven nevermore”

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

@yamyitzkate I will also stand against tomatoes. #downwiththered

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

Tomatoes are so repulsing that vegetables don’t even want to be associated with them.

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

Today, I had the thought “I’m going to give up drinking for little.” Followed by the more applicable idea, “I’m going to give up drinking during the week for a little.”

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

Today, I played 18 holes with the same golf ball. Miracles do happen.

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

Ahhhh, the long forgot aches of a weather change.

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

“If we open a quarrel between past and present, we shall find that we have lost the future.”

-Winston Churchill

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

Working on my birthday is the most adult activity I’ve ever done ever.

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

I feel I’m doing the world a great injustice by living on my own. These jokes are too grand not to be shared.

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

Last night I got to put Jack, my god-son to sleep. During his bed time prayers he prayed for his puppy to get better along with thanked God for dunuts with sprinkles AND dunuts with icing. None of which pulled at my heart strings.

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

Sometimes I knowingly make the wrong decision to prove to myself that I’m not an adult yet.

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

Hmm...

[The Wall Street Journal @WSJ]

Apple and Google released technology that can notify smartphone users if they came near someone who tested positive for Covid-19 https://t.co/ShTjQHLIa8

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

@ashleyeroy You are missing a period at the end of your sentence. 😁

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

Korey "I never have to put my car in 4 wd, I only put it in awd"
Wtf Korey

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

I just seen a cat jump down a storm drain...i don't know what to do with my hands....

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

@KalebSchnurbusc it's been way to long since we have kicked @Anaeger6 and @NMingione ass in beer pong lol

[Derek J. Welker @DerekWelker]

Anyone know where to watch 50 shades of gray on the Internet? For some reason pornhub doesn't have it yet....