Devon Harris

Ex-Dad. Proud Community Servant of the Church of the Story. One Story one Truth. I've lived many lives and they've all been pretty bad.

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

Seasons of the Story has dropped!

15 Stories + 1 completely new story = thousands and thousands of letters.

T is in there a bunch.

Lots of M’s

Absolutely zero P’s  

Available at https://t.co/qIWBkgvJTc
right now!

And now!

Aaaaand - wait - yes - now!

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

ok this has been fun!

Thanks for bearing with me, at times.

I killed john f kennedy and I’d do it again!

(poof!)

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

I don’t “dump” technically what I do is called a “shove” so it wasn’t me

[The Story Must Be Told @TSMBTpod]

We don't know which one of you SICKOS put a spooky hex on us but Sister Callista's recording equipment TOOK A DUMP INSIDE HER COMPUTER so we're having difficulties with 522. Stay tuned as we work out the kinks. A 522 will drop this week and a brand new Story next week!

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

Truly love when airports get updated and then they make signs about it that say shit like LAX GOT A FACELIFT 😜 and FRESH NEW TITS, SAME OLD DALLAS

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

opened an Uncle Anne’s in the mall and we serve pretzels that are so hard they’ll break your fuckin teeth

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

this 👏 is 👏 why 👏 voting 👏matters

[New York Post @nypost]

'Dr. Doom' predicts NYC destroyed by nukes, storms in next 20 years https://t.co/1NfzzGPguM

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

@_DanFisher @ksorbs hahahaha

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

when someone asks me if I've heard of a new restaurant

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

(on my death bed, my family around me, thinking if I look long enough I’ll remember. I know that’s not true. Darkness comes. It’s warm. The beeping intensifies. I have time to say one more thing - one more I love you as I straddle both worlds)

“That’s it. That’s the tweet.”

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

Twitter says im not “allowed” to delete this

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

(making small talk in 1250 BC)

yeah so I’m originally from Thebes but-

(bird rips head off)

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

thought this was mcdonalds finally giving us hotdogs

[Nasir Jones @Nas]

11•11

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

just got a job at the bottled water factory filling each bottle up to the brim

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

bank?
no sir
ain’t no bank here
just me and my
my uh
my cargo
I’m a cargo guy
so
I’ve never defrauded anyone

[Pastor Andrew @PstrAndrew]

When I lived in Sacramento I watched Santa Claus pull a bank teller into the street by his hair and shoot him in the head.

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

(on trial in new york)

your honor my client would like to keep it a bean for a sec

(attorney-client whispering)

so your honor if we're being real, he actually did chop up his landlord into little pieces

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

you’re telling me that in the 1970s a bunch of teachers and parents and classmates knew a little boy named

~Paul Hollywood~

and were just like yeah ok that’s fine

???????????????

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

AMERICANS ARE…

_ humping the pump

_ pumpin some grumps

_ chumpin their dumps

X paying at the pump

[Devon Harris @DevonTSMBT]

why