🚨🚨🚨BREAKING: Hemel Hempstead man, Mark Thartley, 65, has been hospitalised after being mistaken for the real Sir Keir Starmer at yesterday's Unite The Kingdom protest.
Keir Starmer addresses far-right in new speech: "That's right, cunts. I was a communist all along. You were finally right about something. And now it's time to get in the gulags and accept your punishment."
The great war correspondents - Martha Gellhorn filing from Madrid, Michael Herr in Vietnam, Marie Colvin under shellfire - believed history lived in the details. In that spirit, I too will venture into the frontline chaos: a forensic examination of a bag of Zack Polanski's pants.
Sorry, @DanNeidle. The Pantis Prize is reserved for those who excel in British journalism. Although I appreciate your vision, your ham-fisted exposé has brought shame on the profession I love. Consider yourself officially banished from The Inner Circle.
In his nefarious quest to take over Britain, Zack Polanski foolishly forgot to account for one thing: a Cambridge-educated, award-winning journalist exposing his fondness for luxury Charlie Bigham's ready meals - meals most voters simply cannot afford.
This is an artist's impression of what Zack Polanski might look like sleeping in a state of the art antisemitism chamber. I find it so distributing to imagine him lying there for hours supercharging his powers.
It's great that they've spent two days telling us that drinking on the job is a great Working Class Tradition but can only name MPs and City Bankers as the professions where it's accepted.