Dirty Jokes Daily

Only the filthiest jokes, daily!

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

Masturbation always leads to sex. It’s a gateway tug.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life?

Because if you’ll eat that stuff, you’ll eat anything.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that tiny thing?

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

What do you get if you cross an owl and a rooster?

A cock that stays up all night.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn’t close his casket.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

What kind of bees make milk?

Boo-Bees.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

What’s better than roses on your piano?

Tulips on your organ.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

What do tofu and a dildo have in common?

They are both meat substitutes.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

What does a perverted frog say?

Rubbit.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?

A tearjerker.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you stick the cucumber.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

Bartender: “What’s the matter buddy?”
Man: “I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.”
Bartender: “What did you do?”
Man: “I told her to get the hell out!”
Bartender: “What about your friend?”
Man: “I looked him straight in the eyes and said ‘bad dog!’”

[Dirty Jokes Daily @Dirty__Daily]

Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.”
Patient: “I don’t understand, doc. Why?”
Doctor: “Because I’m trying to examine you.”