Dmented Thoughts

A Comedian. A famous nobody. My sixth sense is humour. All jokes copyrighted unless otherwise stated.

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

Great minds drink alike.

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

@Lana1163457 It is probably easier to list those actresses who did not do so but you wish they did.

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

Wise man say that you should live each day like it is your last and have no regrets. But I am frowned upon when I spend all my money like there is no tomorrow!

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

You cannot live life according to aphorisms.
The early bird gets the worm teaches you to start your day early so u can achieve more. But you can't say that to a worm, it will get eaten!
Also if enough worms hear the saying, they all wake up late, and the early bird gets jack!

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

Sex with your girlfriend Vs paid sex

It may seem free but you have to invest and spend time and money on dates, dinner, movies and if you are unlucky a lifetime if debt in marriage.

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

I wanna make you bleed is not about hurting someone but actually about fucking that person.

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

@Math_files Due to the inherent paradox and circular logic, there is no answer.

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

When you die, I will fondly remember you... are no longer going to irritate me!

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

What's the point of marriage?

So you can truly appreciate being alone when divorced.

[Ozor Ndi Ozor @OzorNdiOzor]

Who needs enemies when you got friends like that.

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

When you stand behind someone, are u giving them support or are u using them as a shield?

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

Someday my prince will come....

Is a good ad for a lady bringing her man to see a doctor to treat his ED

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

Molestation... Now that's a touchy subject.

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.

- Lord Edward Stark

(this is a stark truth)

[Parker @Parker1462]

A fearless spur-winged plover fearlessly cleans the teeth inside a crocodile’s wide-open jaws.👉👉👉

[World's Amazing Things @Hana_b30]

Wise words..

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

He is a gigolo.

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

He is great at getting women interested in carpentry. His female customers often buy wood, caulk, nails and screws anytime of the day from his very successful hardware store business. They just love hearing him banging at his hammer.

What is his occupation?

[Vala Afshar @ValaAfshar]

Never regret a day in your life. Good days give happiness, bad days give experiences, worst days give lessons, and best days give memories.

—Professor Richard Feynman

[Dmented Thoughts @DmentedThoughts]

Where ignorance is bliss, tis folly to be wise.

- Thomas Gray