Misnomer

Some day I'll be able to do that helicopter thing guys do, but with both my boobs and I'll fly away into the sunset

[Misnomer @DoneEffedUp]

Im going out tonight with my new friends, dont wait up!

*runs into the sunset with a pack of wild squirrels*

[Ed Krassenstein @EdKrassen]

@realDonaldTrump @SpecialOlympics I’m glad you listened to the protest. It shouldn’t have had to take protests for you to understand this was wrong.

[Misnomer @DoneEffedUp]

@realDonaldTrump @SpecialOlympics All it took was a huge protest from your plan on defunding it, you sick fuck.

[Misnomer @DoneEffedUp]

I knew you bastards that take quick showers don't clean yourselves right

[Katie Olmsted @KatieOlmstedOH]

Alright, this has already sparked a lot of talk here and brought up a follow up question: Do you wash your feet? I'll admit, I don't usually wash the bottoms of my feet because a)they're already in all the soapy water at the bottom & b) it makes it scary slippery! Your thoughts?

[J @JulienLynn]

wash your feet
wash the top of your feet
wash the bottom of your feet
wash in between each toe
.... EVERY DAY!

what is going onnnnn omg

[Misnomer @DoneEffedUp]

*me inside Macy's*

I don't know where I am or how I get out.

*me inside Target*

I already forgot where I parked.

[Nader Issa @NaderDIssa]

BREAKING: Two people are charged with murder in the death of pregnant 19-year-old Marlen Ochoa-Lopez, and a third person is charged with concealing her death. https://t.co/hnj7NiKNIN

[Nader Issa @NaderDIssa]

Here are the mugshots for Clarissa Figueroa and her daughter, Desiree Figueroa, who have been charged with first-degree murder in the death of pregnant 19-year-old Marlen Ochoa-Lopez. Clarissa Figueroa's boyfriend, Piotr Bobak, is charged with concealing the death.

[Misnomer @DoneEffedUp]

Why are these men more insistent on making laws on a women's uterus than they are on making laws on a rapist's testicles?

[Misnomer @DoneEffedUp]

*holding a bag of kisses *

Me to my crush: Want some kisses?

Crush: Ok

Me: *throws bag and puckers up*

[Misnomer @DoneEffedUp]

Just think all it takes is for one bat shit crazy cunt to accuse you of some horrific shit for your picture to be on the news

[Misnomer @DoneEffedUp]

Your moms a youtuber

[Misnomer @DoneEffedUp]

@SpookyPrototype Exactly one donut.

[Misnomer @DoneEffedUp]

My little niece says her donut shop will only sell one donut.

- Why does it have an S at the end of Donuts?

- The S is for Stay Away

[Jan @PleaseGoAwayBye]

Surprised my new gynecologist today by hiding a hard boiled egg in my birth canal.

[Aunt Chelle ☕️😷 @ravenswng_]

For some reason, we no longer have any teaspoons left in the silverware drawer. They're gone. Just gone. Of course nobody knows anything about it. We are currently ignoring the situation and using the larger spoons as if that's normal.

[Misnomer @DoneEffedUp]

@realDonaldTrump You of all people should not be talking about looks with your Sasquatch pube having, toadstool dick swinging, double chin hanging, combover hair flying in the wind, bloated face, beer gut having, mentally unstable dotard self

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

YOU, AN IDIOT: Suck a bag of dicks.

ME, CARES ABOUT THE PLANET: Suck a canvas tote of dicks.

[Jeffrey Levin 🇺🇦 @jilevin]

John Oliver on gun safety