DortFinder

I ain't got no worries

[Richard “Beebo” Russell @proverbs_14_23]

I once sold a truck to a guy who called and agreed to pay full price as long as I brought it to the airport within the hour. It was incredibly sus, but my truck had been for sale for months, and I had grown desperate. So I went. It only got weirder.

The moment I arrive he hops in the drivers seat for a test drive, and a run to the bank to get the money to buy it. He’s a freakishly large porcine fellow, adorned head to toe in dirty work clothes. He looked like Hagrid if he were an alcoholic with a the world’s most unionized construction job.

We get to chatting on the drive. Work, life, conspiratorial ramblings, Donald Trump, Pakis. The usual, if you know this type of guy.

I come to learn he needed to buy my truck to get home. He had bought a one way plane ticket to come buy a different one, but had been ghosted by the seller when he landed. He was stranded at an airport on the other side of the country with no other plan.

So I thought, “well maybe I know the guy who ghosted him. Let me see if I can help.” I asked to see his phone to read his FB Marketplace message with the seller.

He had been talking to some guy with Broken English and a vaguely middle eastern sounding name for several days now. The guy was selling an incredibly desirable truck for 30% below market. A virtually impossible deal. The vehicular equivalent of a horny singles in your area add on a porn site.

He turned to me and said “y’know, his listing says the truck is about an hour from here, maybe I should go look for him.”

I said “bro I’m looking at his profile, he has this same truck listed in every city in North America. The plate in the photos isn’t even from our state. This truck is spammed hundreds of times across marketplace.”

To which he replied, “yeah I thought that was weird. I think it’s a glitch.”

“No it’s not a glitch… you didn’t send him money did you?” I asked, fearing the answer.

“Yeah I sent him a money, otherwise he was gonna sell it to another guy.”

I winced. “how much?”

“Five thousand bucks.”

“……okay.”

“Well let’s look him up, we have his name.” He replies confidently.

“Look him up where?” I ask.

“Facebook”

“I’m looking at his Facebook. It’s not real.”

Just then we arrive at the bank, he parks my 2500HD in the handicap spot at a 45 degree angle. I say maybe we should pick a different spot, he tells me he isn’t picky.

We set up the wire transfer, he makes a disparaging remark about brown people to the teller. She frowns, she is brown. The money luckily still gets sent. And he takes off in the truck.

Hours later he calls me from the middle of nowhere. He had decided to fuck with the aftermarket tuner while driving and bricked it. He was stranded.

I don’t think all you xitter users realize just how difficult the modern world already is for an 85IQ person to navigate.

With 53% of youtube shorts views now coming from AI content, these people are about to be thrust into a completely incomprehensible dream realm forever.

[Douglas @fruitsnacks42]

every county in ohio having a mcdonald’s is so ohio

[Awful Announcing @awfulannouncing]

Jim Nantz trying to "Peanut Punch" a football out of J.J. Watt's hands is incredible live television. 🏈🥊🎙️😂

[NFL Memes @NFLMemes]

Cleveland Browns fans finding themselves in the division lead for the first time since 2014

[DortFinder @DortFinder]

This shouldn't make so much sense

[Kyle Ayers @kyleayers]

Aaron Rodgers would fall in love with Elizabeth Holmes in thirty seconds.

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Chargers fans turning on their game each week

[Always the Jake @JacobsFieldRBW]

What sucks most about this series so far is that we’ve been told for years that “Guardsball” is cool in the regular season but it won’t work in the playoffs.

Turns out it does work. The Rays are just doing it better than we ever did.

[DortFinder @DortFinder]

@OldTakesExposed

[Action Network @ActionNetworkHQ]

"Mike we need some serious adjustments at half!"

McCarthy spent the entire half "injured" in the blue medical tent. Your Steelers bets are cooked 😂

[90s WWE @90sWWE]

Hello darkness, my old friend...

[Joey- Cade Smith enjoyer @GuardsJoey]

See you tomorrow @CleGuardians

[Trung Phan @TrungTPhan]

The 2nd top video on Nathan Fielder’s YouTube channel is “Dance”: it was also posted 16 years ago, has just under 5m views and is equally glorious.

[Ben Axelrod @BenAxelrod]

Just witnessed a woman shout at one of the religious protestors outside of the Browns game “Jose Ramirez is our Jesus!” So we’re off to a strong start here.

[Naz @nazbowling102]

A soldier dying during a pointless PR stunt while the cheerleaders continue on with their routine is a perfect encapsulation of how America has been doing in Iran

[MD @mike_daddino]

Did anyone else catch this?

[Vlad @VladTheInflator]

Me in 1990: we will have hoverboards in 2026

2026:

[Hey Jo🤍 @joe_jo9]

If Musk is so fuking smart why didn’t he factor this in?

[Adrian | The Web Scraping Guy @adrian_horning_]

Awesome. Another game I’ll miss.

I bought tickets all 3 days, and will *maybe* see one of them.

$5k down the tube.

Never buying tickets to an MLB game again.

MLB is dying and it should.

[Always the Jake @JacobsFieldRBW]

Shut up dumbass

[Josh Verges @ua14]

The Brewers sold $1,000 tickets in 2015 for any future game. Fans now trying to redeem for the World Series say the club is not honoring the deal.