Drunk Shakespeare

Thou hast drinkith too much.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

Driving a horse and buggy while intoxicated.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

To thine own self be drunk.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

Dost thou enjoy the wicked rhymes of Eminem? I do. 'Tis true.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

Sometimes when I'm drunk and lonely, I like to read @CL_Personals.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

I like my humor how I like my martinis: dry.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

Have you ever been so drunk that you turned into a literary genius?

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

I wrote Tequila Mockingbird.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

The best cure for my hangover is to write the most quotable play in history.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

What, soft! What Jack Daniels through yonder window breaks. It is the east, and I am involved in a bar-fight.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

Finally finished building my beeramid. Time to walk like an Egyptian.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

Thou shalt party with Tom Hardy.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

The world is a stage, and the people merely players and player-haters.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

The world is a stage, and I'm hammered.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

Last night at a party I blacked out and wrote three best-selling plays.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

When people say it's beer-thirty instead of the real time, I want to punch them. Then take their beer. Then write about it.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

Let's play beer-pong. The loser has to write a sonnet using iambic pentameter.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

This beer is rich, much like the quality of my work.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

Now is the hour of your discontent. Also, it's happy hour.

[Drunk Shakespeare @DrunkShakespear]

When I repeat something in a play, it's for emphasis. When I repeat myself at the bar, it's because I'm drunk.