Dynamite Startup

An exciting tech startup coming soon to a phone near you, as soon as we find out how to monetize!

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

New Year, new business model! We're going to be the internet's premiere destination for videos of corpses in the woods.

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

We’ll be honest. We have no idea what we’re doing. An angel investor gave us $1 million and all we’ve done is buy some URLs and a foosball table.

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

We're happy for the #NetNeutrality rollback, since our new business model is printing websites and sending them through the mail.

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

In search of someone to make infographics. Will pay $100,000/year + equity.

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

Just signed a lease for a 20,000 square foot office. Both of our employees say it’s a major upgrade.

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

Our Head of Finance complained we exceeded our trucker hat budget by 25%. So we’re hiring a new Head of Finance.

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

#Millennials - We have a bag of pretzels in our break room right now! 🥨

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

#Millennials - We don’t offer any vacation days, but our casual dress code is i.n.c.r.e.d.i.b.l.e. Come work here!

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

We may not have a 401k, but you can bring your pets to work. #MillennialsWelcome

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

Our CEO sleeps just 6 minutes every hour. The rest of the day, he is #innovating. We get emails at 4 in the morning. It’s wild.

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

Apparently, we didn’t have the budget for that Soloflex. Seeking a new round of #VentureCapital to keep the dream alive!

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

#Millennials - We just added a #Soloflex to our office! Come work for us!

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

New day, new business plan! We want every home to have a 3D taco printer. If you know how to make/monetize this, contact us!

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

@DmitryOpines Sounds like you’d like to invest! Please send your bank account and routing numbers, along with a business plan we can follow.

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

@DmitryOpines We are developing Tacoin, a taco-based crypto that can only be mined with a loyalty punch card. (Not to be confused with guacoin.)

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

@DmitryOpines The world? Think bigger. We’re going to shift entire paradigms. (3D taco printing is our current front-runner.)

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

#Millennials - We have an open floor plan and a ping-pong table! Work for us! (We can’t pay you yet. We’re working on it.)

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

Excited to offer our product on iOS and Android as soon as we decide on our product and hire someone to code iOS and Android!

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

The #Millennial misunderstood our offer. She will be resuming her barista career. Best of luck to her!

[Dynamite Startup @DynamiteStartup]

Having a heck of a time coming up with a business plan, but we just hired a Millennial we spotted at Starbucks. Expecting big things!