Elaborate Troll

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@Equazzz @Garosath @malenatudi Introducing Twatch

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The only two reasons I can't say "The new Duck Tales series is superior to the original in every way" is that the theme song doesn't have a bunch of spicy horn licks, and all the voice acting sounds like a Wes Anderson movie. Other than that, A+ #ducktales #ducktales2017

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You have a total lack of empathy too? I know EXACTLY how you feel.

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On a scale of zero to half a percent, what percentage of "Dude you HAVE to listen to this podcast!!" recommendations do you think people even click on

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@Pharrell @jtimberlake A fresh new summer jam is just the tonic this country needs right now, either of you dudes got anything brewing?

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If DuckTales S03E07 "Dough Ray Me" in which Gyro invents a ray gun that can duplicate unlimited free money ultimately leading to a hellish economic wasteland wasnt written by a time traveler who came back to stop Bernie Sanders then we're all really fucked https://t.co/ofMmn4LNau

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Do grocery store delis require that you want to kill yourself before they hire you or does that happen naturally in the first 12 minutes on the job

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Even as a dumb 12 year old I was super uncomfortable with Genie just stashing evil genie Jafar away in some random cave. Out of sight out of mind, nothing could go wrong here! Let’s just sweep the most powerful and malevolent force in the universe under some rug and go get brunch

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Addressing the UN is about as meaningful as calling the Better Business Bureau

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Hawkins, Indiana is the only little town in the USA with more people working at the local newspaper than the police department.

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Product idea: similar in taste to kombucha, but isn’t plastered with Tibetan flags and quotes from Chicken Soup For The Yogi Soul.

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@mattysoftmitts Onesie lifehack #2: ONESIE still isn’t valid in Scrabble but if you have this tiles you can play EOSINE, a type of red dye #TMYK

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@mattysoftmitts #Lifehack: if you’re having trouble find adult onesies try googling “coveralls”. (Mechanics and foundation inspectors DO NOT want you to learn this simple trick but it’s 100% legal!)

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Making banana bread to save spoiled fruit after getting overexcited at a produce sale is the Mormon version of calling your squad the day after the party to finish off the keg

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Franz: Hey buddy what's a shorter way of saying "That virgin over there?"
Hanz: How 'bout "yon virgin"?
Franz: Perfect!

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No but seriously how did they not give Wesley Snipes a second sword and call the sequel “Blades”? Such a big miss.

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BRB, messing with Texas

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New Baby Day 1: Everyone wash your hands before you can hold the baby!

New Baby Day 28: Looks like this pacifier has an acceptable level of vomit and dog hair for baby’s mouth.

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It was super fortuitous that “Salty” Jim Wetzel had business savvy and a deep and abiding passion for pretzels.

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If I ever get bit by a mutant spider or exposed to gamma radiation, I’m gonna keep boiling up pasta and checking if my new superpower is being able to gauge a reasonable serving of spaghetti.