Daniel

I mostly just tweet whatever pops into my head.

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

Fire Engine 1: "WER WE GOIN WER FIRE?"
Fire Engine 2: "I DUNNO I FOLLOW U" 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

Oh god I woke up this morning to find that I've accidentally turned on push notifications for Mumsnet 😨

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

How is this not @TheOnion or @ClickHole? 😭

[Pop Crave @PopCrave]

Lily Allen reveals she returned her dog because it ate her passport:

“We actually did adopt a dog already, but then it ate my passport and so I took her back to the home. She ate all three of our passports and they had our visas in and I cannot tell you how much money it cost me to get everything replaced because it was in COVID. And so, it was just an absolute logistical nightmare. Because the father of my children lives in England, I couldn’t get them back to see their dad for like four months, five months, because this f**king dog had eaten the passports. I just couldn’t look at her — I was like, ‘You’ve ruined my life.’ Passports weren’t the only thing she ate, she was a very badly behaved dog and I really tried very hard with her but it just didn’t work out and the passports were the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak.”

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

I came out of Xwitter retirement to share this 💁‍♂️

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

I saw someone cycling while wearing an Apple Vision Pro yesterday in central London, and isn't that the most London bad-idea imaginable 😂

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

The best captcha? 🦁

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

Without downloading any new pics, what's your energy going into 2024?

[Kieran Maxwell @kieranpmaxwell]

Without downloading any new pics, what's your energy going into 2024?

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

I've just had a flashback to when I was The Sims, and my dad came in and wouldn't believe that Simlish was a thing, and started trying to "fix" the language settings for me. 😂

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

@laurenycuthbert 'sual 👀

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

@gothdog420 This had actually made my day 😆

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

@laurenycuthbert I mean I describe you as "my filmbro friend" so I wouldn't be so sure about that 😛

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

@laurenycuthbert I'M SO SORRY RIP 😭

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

@eimeargination But that begs the question, is full-fat coke the best coke? 🤔

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

"Individual choices" 😬😬😬

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

@gothdog420 Eeh samsies ♥️

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

I just cut open an orange to discover that it's actually a grapefruit. How's everybody else's Friday going? 🍊

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

Me after months of playing COD: "I don't get why people spend money on cosmetic items. It seems a bit pointless."

Me after an hour of playing Fall Guys: "I really want this top hat for my little bean guy. He needs to be looking his best."

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

@gothdog420 They need to do their research. I have it on good authority that she just saved up a hell of a lot of Nectar points 👑

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

@wokemalone Omg there are SO MANY 😭

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

@matty180 Oh dear I thought you were deadly serious and now I've just publicised my sticker hoarding problem 👀

[Daniel @ElasticDonut]

@VictoriaOwsnett @BriarBorealis They look like big flowery bits of asparagus I'm all for it 🥳