Emily Jane

Humans measure height ➸ Heaven measures heart †

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

Being safely back inside a jumper until June 2019

[John Crist @johnbcrist]

If golf and soccer switched announcers...

[Bubb @matt_bubb]

The date is August 28th 2018, the UK has experience it’s 77th consecutive day without a cloud in the sky. Corona bottle tops are now used as currency, no ones been to work for 5 weeks. Harry Maguire last seen riding a cow with the World Cup down M5. Lingard is still missing.

[Dr Philip Lee @drphiliplee1]

Trigger warning: (#Grenfell)

"Wake up, your phone keeps buzzing."

14th of June, 2017. 3:39 AM

I sat up, I was not on call, I looked at my phone. Two missed calls and a text from NHS-NoReply

I dialed the given number and punched in the code, rubbing my eyes.

[lauren 🌻 @laurenbsst]

michael gove being asked GCSE questions and not being able to answer any of them is the best thing i’ve ever seen #GCSEs2018

[Emily Jane @EmilyJaneDowds]

@LLMcCabe_ Never! Just do it! 💃🏻

[Emily Jane @EmilyJaneDowds]

@LLMcCabe_ Haha oh dear. City wise in the I'd suggest going to Edinburgh, there's so much to do up there and the Fringe festival is on over the summer. Or EUROPE! 😂

[Emily Jane @EmilyJaneDowds]

@LLMcCabe_ Where ya headin'????

[Elliott Gregory @ElliottNGregory]

So I'm at Walmart returning 37 pool noodles (because youth ministry) & rather than explaining the whole story of why I'm a grown man returning 37 pool noodles; when asked "Reason for return?" I just said: "The shopping list said noodles, but not what kind... boy was my wife mad."

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

Trains delayed due to:
- Wrong kind of sun
- Ominous cloud
- Slightly damp leaf
- Chilly track
- Suspicious gravel
- Sarcastic swan

[Emily Jane @EmilyJaneDowds]

@LLMcCabe_ Yes 👏🏻 Luce 👏🏻 I think they should keep their breath to cool their porridge

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

Having to say “hello?” in at least four different styles when you can’t hear someone on the phone

[Bob Goff @bobgoff]

We shouldn't say everyone's invited if we're going to act like they're not welcome when they come.
#EverybodyAlways

[Jesse McLaren @McJesse]

I took every shot from behind-the-scenes featurettes where Dr. Strange is in front of a greenscreen, and edited him into a waterpark.

[callum @callum_t__]

Thought they were called Andy and Jamie?

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

“What time does your train get in?”
“Whenever it feels like it, if at all”

[The Prince and Princess of Wales @KensingtonRoyal]

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are delighted to announce that they have named their son Louis Arthur Charles.

The baby will be known as His Royal Highness Prince Louis of Cambridge.