emma

this is a taylor swift stan account 😤 (she/her)

[emma @EmmaMastny]

Took some pretty cool photos this week 🤙🏼

[Algae T. Boi @algaetheboi]

Barrett- “Angela, gay son or thot daughter?”

Angela- “Hmmm. My son is gay and my daughter Lexi is very thoughtful. She got me 52 love notes for my 52nd birthday so I can read 1 a week for a year”

Devens- “I think he meant- ”

Barrett- “(laughs) No no, that’s perfect”

#BB28

[Dan Amira @DanAmira]

My mayor Muslim

My bagel Jewish

My stepfather once told me that if I ever told anyone that I saw him holding hands with his executive assistant Gary at the Cinnabon two towns over he’d dig a hole in the backyard and bury me alive

Knicks in five

[Kayla🐞❣️ @kayla7lynn]

The restaurant name being like the polar opposite of the black dog is just so funny to me

[turbomander (TWITCH AFFILIATE ERA) @turbomander]

no shade but personally after riding through the entire desert i would’ve given the horse a name

[solelynostalgia @solelynostalgia]

he would’ve fought the hantavirus himself if it was on his ship

[millie @stunninbrina]

“Women be having degrees, good jobs, nice place to live and NO man”

[Soleil @soleiljolina]

I am a friend to all cats, even the little mean ones. They have their reasons

[NicholasG @Dad_At_Law]

My kid signed up for the high school golf team. They have a teacher inservice day and the golf coach called and said he got her a tee time at 12:30. It is 70° and it is Monday. I never thought I would be this jealous of a 14 year-old girl in my life.

[bud wiser @w0rdgenerator]

“6 likes isn’t a lot” imagine 6 tomatoes in your mouth

[Polly Pocketknife🌸🔪 @polypocketknife]

“whose pussy is this”—doctor frankenstein sorting spare parts

[🤠 @heavensbvnny]

telling my cat she’s a “sweet girl" instead of a "good girl" because we both know she’s committed countless unspeakable crimes in this house

[alxndr @alexaldente]

Thinking about the time my uber driver got cut off and yelled “COCKSUCKER!!!” then immediately looked at me in the rear view mirror and blurted out “not that there’s anything wrong with sucking cock!”

[witch of the wobbly woods (MAGGOT MOMMY) @sadjazzwxtch]

My boobs are big because they’re filled with hatred for the American government

[Adam Wren @adamwren]

Every Midwesterner knows Fool’s Spring only comes so Second Winter can try to break you psychologically and sweep the legs.

We’re stronger than that.

[𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐞𝐬🥷🏾 @lordbrazes]

boys, is it gay to have s*x with rihanna?

[🥭🥝Fruity🍉🍒 @Mini__Fruits]

What it felt like to be 12 and find out Girls can kiss other Girls

[gio🦁 @Clapped_Dre]

You just got taken to Applebees by the state of Michigan 😭🙏

[yvette @yvezjm]

gave my friend relationship advice

[V @sleepeatmary]

if you stan colton from #TheTraitorsUS watch this 🥴
@demi_burnett