Epsilon Security

Thoughts, musings, and news from Site Epsilon's security officer. Providing security, for things which do not exist

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

@zannibunny Its going to be ok. Stand strong.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

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[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

Monitor lit up with an urgent security alert. It came from what sector? Going to go ahead and remotely lock down the doors in that area.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

@JonTronShow They say that now, but once its time for them to go home they won't want to leave.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

Tinker found himself dead in a supply closet. Reminder: If you see yourself, its not real. Look away. Dont let it become real.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

Security would like to propose a new policy that would allow us to terminate anything that "lurches" on sight.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

@JonTronShow Its already here. Guy in Dallas. Try to keep up Bloomberg.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

Golf carts are underappreciated security tools. I know the ones here have saved countless lives. Ended a few as well.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

Damn that was fun.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

Crushed into a metal tube with "Love Bites" blaring. An hour and a half dragging out 185lbs of shrieking, spastic fury out into the open.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

5 hours of Twisted Sister and our "intern" is still in the ventilation.Oiling up now. I'm going in. Yippee ki yay.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

Blasting 80's metal into A4's air vents. One of the "interns" got loose in there and we are trying to drive him out. #WednesdayProblems

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

I should keep a dream journal.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

Dream yesterday: I am a warden. Barring the door of an opulent crypt from being defiled by obese, inept hands. The corpses cheer me on.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

Memo: "Books, magazines or other literature published after 1973 are now prohibited in test areas B14 and B15. Use of force authorized"

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

West corridor again.. Accusing stares from behind glass again Listening to Weird Al on my ipod to break the tension of it did not work.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

Patrolled west corridor last night. Wish we could use cameras there instead of patrol. All those creepy stares from behind the glass.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

1C's bay door just opened. Just flew open on the camera. Let second shift deal with it.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

"Tinker" has asked me to stop referring to him as "Tinker" in these tweets. Sorry Tink. That is a no-go.

[Epsilon Security @EpsilonSec]

Tinker spent the day bleeding from the nose and itching. I put in a formal request that the vents be left on in 1C anytime we work in there.