Esme

Panic just without the disco

[George Pointon @GeorgePointon_]

I asked my Year 1 classes to tell me a joke;
Here is my analysis.
A THREAD

[FPL_Manny @TheScouserStand]

Everyone trying to convince their teachers for a better grade #GCSEs2021 #exams2021 #alevel2021

[Cameron Bradford @camerobradford]

My son just told me, "dad, you really know to tuck a motherfucker in." Being a parent is hard but moments like these make it all worthwhile...

[Bobbie @Bobbiebcook]

I can’t believe there is some girl who’s in Dubai on ITV This morning saying how influencers are key workers 🤣🤣🤣🤣 that is actually offensive to people who are actually key workers putting their life on the line to HELP people. I can’t even deal ??

[out of office @actualjack]

“and then it goes: rain. on. ME. then we jump on cue, got it?”

[The Late Late Show with James Corden @latelateshow]

.@JKCorden and an array of Broadway friends bid farewell to President Trump, Les Mis style.

[Amin @amin_tweeter]

“Simply put I told you so, Richmond out” 😭😭😭 Realest 1 on the floor ✌🏾 #ImpeachmentDay

[Buddy Winston @BuddyWinston]

Maybe we should let the "Central Park 5" decide Trump's fate.

[Susie Dent @susie_dent]

Word of the day is ‘circumlocutionist’: one who consistently speaks in a roundabout way in order to avoid addressing a question directly.

[Rachel @Raquelita_l]

@Haggis_UK What’s the word for agreeing and cheering on Piers Morgan when the concept of agreeing with Piers Morgan goes against all you’ve ever stood for?

[b.b @benoobrown]

Louie Spence saying “I’ve done it now it’s too bleedin late. They’d have to catch me first I’m like a whippet.” Lives in my head rent free

[Bethy @bethyycm]

‘Let’s put a nice film on’

Me - Puts on Worlds Toughest Prisons

[Jaack @Jaack]

This is a genuine question... how are people fucking off on holiday to Dubai? How’s that happening?

[John Smith Chicago @JohnSmithChgo]

To anyone complaining about a private media company kicking Trump off their platform:

Think of Twitter as a Christian bakery and Trump as a gay wedding cake.

#BanTrumpFromTwitter

[Tempa @FathomFloof]

Went on a walk today! Took this beautiful picture

[matt @dogfather]

blue lives matter killed a cop