ethan

America’s next top dude

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

I feel like I’m going insane; no Italian has actually lived in Little Italy since 1996, its just a bunch of restaurants named “Mama’s Caffè Italiano” that are owned by Berkshire Hathaway

[Your Pal Al @keithubermensch]

Possibly the funniest comedy video I’ve ever seen in my life

[Puck! @puhcko]

You used to be able to jokingly steal a cops gun and all you would get is a literal slap on the wrist- you have no idea what we have lost.

[Sammy Paradise @NotactuaIIysl]

The sixth graders in centerfield trying to catch a line drive off an aluminum bat

[𝓣𝓪𝓲𝓣𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓷🌊🌬 @TheA1God]

And yet….

[PointlessHub @HubPointless]

“Yeah, it’s called my wife’s cookin’ ”

[chestur @Rihtardi]

Coke need to make a comeback weed got yall fat and retarded

[Matthew Coller @MatthewColler]

me when I'm going to pretend to race the dog but I just take one step and he goes crazy

[PointlessHub @HubPointless]

*Foghorn Leghorn voice*

I say, I say give me a beat boy and free my soul

[Josh Billinson @jbillinson]

the podcast ghost kitchen cheesesteak made at ihop and delivered via private burrito taxi was subpar

[Parker Thune @ParkerThune]

The Brendan Sorsby story

[tyler j. @tyjones]

@creepydotorg real

[The 4 Man Rush @4ourmanrush]

So a 76ers fan, hated the Knicks so much, that he put on a Rodman Spurs jersey just to engage in physical combat with Knicks fans.

This is legendary

[Dom Italiano @itsdomyoutube]

If I throw a pick into triple coverage and a subway ad pops up for a ham and cheese sandwich i'll light my xbox on fire

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

USA. A Mexican restaurant. We had not yet ordered anything, and the food was already arriving.

Chips. Salsa. Unrequested. Free.

I stopped the waiter. "We have not earned these."

"They just come with the table, man."

They come with the TABLE. In my land, hospitality is a debt. Every gift creates an obligation, weighed carefully, returned in the proper season with interest of feeling. Here, the gift arrives before you have even proven you can pay for dinner.

This is not an appetizer. This is a declaration: we trust you. Eat.

I ate with the gravity the moment deserved. And then — I must report this calmly — the basket emptied, and a new one appeared.

"Did we…?"

"Refill," the waiter said. "It's bottomless."

Bottomless. They have wells of salsa. The supply lines of this nation are beyond anything my ancestors imagined.

My friend warned me. "Don't fill up on chips, dude."

Too late. I had accepted three baskets. Honor demanded each one be finished — an unfinished gift is an insult. By the time my actual food arrived, I was a ruined man.

I was not hungry. I was not comfortable. I had been defeated by a courtesy.

Generosity that arrives before the request cannot be repaid. It can only be survived.

I know the rule now. I have made my peace with the basket. One basket. Two at the most.

Who am I deceiving. There is no number of baskets I would refuse. The trust of a nation is in that salsa, and I intend to honor all of it.