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I was @smarmypenguin. My old account got hacked. I'm pretty much a contradiction in everything.

My reading comprehension sucks.

[Spill The Memes @SpillTheMemes]

😂

[Matty Dread @MattyDread]

Love this. Word play grandmaster lever #Comedy #Jokes #WordPlay

[Marie Isabella @MarieIsabellaB]

We need more sign wars🤣😂

[Wholesome Side of 𝕏 @itsme_urstruly]

“Restrict your cat’s movement after surgery.”

Sure, sounds good. But have you ever met a cat? Cats are liquid with knives on their toes.

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

On a rainy day, a group of fish is crossing a road.

Climbing perch fish can live without water for six to ten days in moist conditions, and can breathe atmospheric oxygen.

[Stephen G. Adubato @stephengadubato]

I once had a student who got triggered by a person saying the word “r*pe” in class. And went on a tirade about how people are so insensitive about sexual abuse. And had to leave the classroom.

When she got back, I immediately went into damage control mode and was like “I am so sorry this happened, plz lmk how I can help to avoid triggers, give warnings, etc”

And she was like “no I’m sorry for freaking out lol. My dad molested me as a kid and whenever someone says the r word I freak out for a second then I calm down. I’ll be fine. It’s something I gotta learn to deal with. I can’t expect the whole world to adjust to my needs just because I went through a horrible thing.”

I was utterly disarmed by her response. And began wondering why we began encouraging the opposite kind of response.

[georgie • raging @gtubebarbie]

i’d let my cats get away with anything like the police could come and say “ur cat robbed a bank” and i’d be like “omg🥹 by herself?? she’s so smart what a good baby”

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

After 15 years, Indonesia’s rare Rafflesia bloomed, the world’s largest parasitic flower that smells like rotting meat, has no leaves, and lasts just 5 to 7 days.

[Paul Bronks @SlenderSherbet]

Me watching a documentary about psychopaths and how they "prefer to stay at home, don't have many friends and can get very upset over a minor inconvenience"

[Mr. Potato Head ⚡️ @MrPotatoHeadUSA]

In Oregon, landowner David Hampton planted larch trees among a Douglas fir forest to create a giant 300-foot smiley face visible each autumn.

[We don't deserve cats 😺 @catsareblessing]

A Japanese painting showing a woman cutting her dress to not wake the cat.