Spreadsheet BB

[Outa @CallMeOuta]

Everyone loves a meritocracy until they find out they’re an idiot

[Dan White @atdanwhite]

Blackout drunk. Screaming at my family that The Grinch was radicalized by the Whos’ own Whobris. "The Earth is littered with the ruins of empires that believed they were eternal". We ‘ve learned nothing from Iraq

[furmerly ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ ❗⚡️🃏 @furmerly]

"plenty of fish in the sea" im literally captain ahab if i don't get this one specific one after years of hunting i will blow my brains out

[Alex Murdoch @alexgmurd]

visiting your parents’ house is all about sitting in the living room on your phone

[will o’brien @Willob]

school tours are absolutely wasted on children. literally a total waste of time. they have tiny brains. let me and my huge-brained friends tour the local hydro-electric dam and appreciate it in all its glory. these small-brained children cannot give it the respect it deserves.

[Jeremy Monjo @JeremyMonjo]

Always fun to watch teachers talk about how dumb kids are getting. I'm a millennial in the workforce, I'm set for life. Going to be in my 50s and have a whole pack of buffoon Gen Alpha entry-levelers in my thrall like Scar and the hyenas

[Himbo President 🇵🇸 @himbopresident]

The mass hysterias of recent years-- planes as secret crafts, fireworks as CIA psyops, etc.-- are indicative of severe antisocial rot

[Audrey Horne Updates and Rumors @credenzaclear2]

do you ever feel like there’s something horribly wrong about you and no one in your life will tell you what it is

[Spreadsheet BB @FKA_Squid]

@_TransitApple Will god do this to me but in a sexy way

[bert @airpippens]

the people you went to high school with are putting up legendary numbers for Noah Kahan and Zach Bryan

[tyler woodward @tyler02020202]

telling myself i’m too self aware for therapy as i repeat a pattern of behavior i’ve been trying to break since age 14

[Exxi @exstasias]

at the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning

[Non-anxiety Magnet (parody) @goesonrants]

*Sisyphus unhooks bra*
*Bra clasps itself back again*
*Sisyphus unhooks bra*
*Bra clasps itself back again*
*Sisyphus unhooks bra*
*Bra clasps itself back again*
*Sisyphus unhooks bra*
*Bra clasps itself back again*
*Sisyphus unhooks bra*
*Bra clasps itself back again*

[Spreadsheet BB @FKA_Squid]

Sending my ex-boyfriend’s dad a Christmas gift because I am still the favorite son.

[Ælþemplær @Aelthemplaer]

Inside you there are two bears

[Spreadsheet BB @FKA_Squid]

The concept of an unreliable narrator is so funny to me. Like oh somebody is making shit up in a fiction story? That’s crazy.

[Spreadsheet BB @FKA_Squid]

I think it’s important that we make kids read biographies from a young age so they quickly realize that most of these public figures people hold up as idols are actually just fucking losers that got lucky