Epic Disaster

Lets get drunk and fight the handicapped!

Snapchat: failureofdaweek

[Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve]

There's literally nothing you can do to look tough while buying loofahs

[Busted Flip Flops @GrillinChillin9]

Them: Good morning.

Me: Quit assuming things.

[SavoirFail 🇺🇦 @SavoirFail]

Your cultural references will date you even if no one else will.

[Jan·da·līze ☆ @Jandalize]

I sat down 'just for a minute' eight hours ago.

[NurseBrianRN @rn_murse]

Me: Can you fill out this form? I’d like to be in a sleep study.

Doctor: So, do you snore at night or..

Me: No, but I’ve always wanted someone watching me sleep. It’s more of a fetish, really. Also, can you tell them I have to sleep nude for medical reasons?

Doctor: Get out.

[dogwood @dogwoodheart]

Decorate our coffins and chill?

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

I alphabetized my sock drawer tonight if you’re looking for a hero.

[Brandon @quecmo]

When white people come back from vacation in Wakanda.

[Brandon @quecmo]

Gonna need Eduardo to smash Zuckerberg's laptop again.

[Brandon @quecmo]

Karen Gillan will redeem all other Karen’s.

[Brandon @quecmo]

I forgot to do anything productive during the lockdown.

[Brandon @quecmo]

My kids get excited about frozen pizza now. This lockdown has really lowered their expectations. I plan on capitalizing on that later.

[Brandon @quecmo]

Wild skateboarders are leaving habitats and wondering into cities. Nature is healing.

[Brandon @quecmo]

Homeschooling is fun because I'm an electrician that can't figure out 5th grade math problems.

[Brandon @quecmo]

Decided to give up. Ate an entire pie.

[Brandon @quecmo]

Moms are like any other group of people. A few winners...a whole lotta losers. #ParaphrasedCarlin #HappyMotherDay

[Brandon @quecmo]

Do something productive or binge The Office for the fifth time?

[Brandon @quecmo]

Don’t waste your time with The Importance of Being Earnest. It’s not about Jim Varney.

[Brandon @quecmo]

Breaking News: Unmasking Scandal

[Brandon @quecmo]

Mental health update: listening to Herman’s Hermits.