Fake Academic Stats

Reports top data trends of faculty, staff, adjuncts, and students in higher ed. Supports mixed research methods. Occasional #gradschoolproblems. #resist

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

How to avoid skipping class: know how much each course costs.

Take the total tuition divided by the number of courses, divided by the number lectures per course.

Example: $5801 / 3 classes = $1933.67 per course / 32 meetings = $60.42 per lecture each time you skip.

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

K-12 and higher ed institutions going into the fall like:

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

Turns out, 95% of those meetings in fact could have been an email.

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

100% of faculty are struggling with their plans for fall semester.

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

Meetings that could have been emails. Happens 7:10 times.

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

1/8 academics scheduled a meeting on Valentine’s Day because if you’re gonna be committed to something, it might as well be to your job.

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

@StefGWalsh @drjedsiev Ehhh, verge and/or actually.

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

73% of academics are on the verge of frustration tears at least twice a week.

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

We’re wrapping up the first week of the semester and 97% of us are already exhausted.

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

Women-identified faculty take on the emotional burden of their students 10 times more often than their male-identified colleagues.

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

75% of academics are tired and the semester is either just starting or hasn't even started yet.

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

Average # of items left to be graded before Monday at noon: 74

Average amount of time spent sitting at graduation the Saturday before they're due: 7 hours.

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

1:17 bubble sheets have to be graded by hand because students who have used bubble sheets for YEARS still complete their exams in pen.

[Dr. Evil @DrDouglasPowers]

Feeling a bit fake/imposterish today?

https://t.co/RskpBAJ8ro

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

@improfster @ReadTheSyllabus Omfg I just realized what your @ name was. You’re the best!!!!

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

95% of academics with a pseudo or anonymous account have been blocked by Mar. We are #improfsters, and we are proud.

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

@improfster @ReadTheSyllabus I’m all for this. #improfsters unite.

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

In other news, every person in academia has felt imposter syndrome at least once in their careers. We are all #improfsters in our own way.

[𝙳𝚛 𝙱𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚛 🇺🇦 @AcerbicAcademic]

Proud #meatpuppet #improfster

Wonder if we could get those hashtags trending?
#meatpuppet #improfster

[Persistent Professor @persistentprof]

Sleep tight, #AcademicTwitter friends! I’ll be sliding into your DMs with deets about the next Russian Bot/Horrible Human secret meeting!

[Fake Academic Stats @FakeAcademStats]

33% of college students are *finally* reading the syllabus, if only to see how many points they need on the final to pass their class.