Fake Coach Alford

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

The simple truth is that I tried to ride Lonzo back to Indiana while showcasing Bryce. It didn’t work out so I’ll phone it in and cash checks until someone forces Dan Guerrero’s hand. I’ve repeatedly made it clear that I don’t care what fans think nor respect the UCLA tradition.

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@daviddavidwoods David, we’ve been over this. We are not dating.

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@latbbolch Ok people, admit it.

This dumpster fire has completely eclipsed the pain I put you through.

Dare I suggest that Jarmond is worse than Guerrero?

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@Theoldp Especially on the heels of numerous decisions obviously indicating UCLA doesn’t actually care about the success of the program! If you’re going to hire a guy who has no business getting the job, be consistent and retain him regardless of on field performance.

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@BillPlaschke UCLA stopped carrying about football and men’s college basketball as part of UCLA’s identity long ago. Remember, Dan Guerrero hired me and allowed me to run a nepotistic showcase. Today, the university prioritizes other things and wants their identity based on that - not success.

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@RexVolcano @UCLAFootball I guess it depends on your definition of visionary. Yours apparently has little to do with success on the field.

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@latbbolch I thought I’d ruined college basketball, but clearly it’s getting worse without my help.

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@BruinReport

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@heydood19912924 @latbbolch Of course he wasn’t ready. But the problem is bigger than Jarmound. UCLA hired Lavin too. Hell, they hired me.

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@BruinReport Pretty clear the fix was in for UCLA plus the points.

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@BruinReport And you guys said I ran the program into the ground?

Either UCLA doesn’t care about having a winning program or those making decisions are incompetent….or both.

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@BronnyJamesJr Isn’t nepotism great?

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@latbbolch @bookies I suggest you give @balford20 a call right away.

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@daviddavidwoods It was the mobile billboard that really pissed me off.

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@mid_madness Bryce isn’t busy. Just saying…

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

Remember how smug I was at #NCAA press conferences while riding @ZO2_ and thinking I had the @IndianaMBB job? Good times. Still can’t coach. Still a jackass. I wonder where I will wear out my undeserved welcome next?

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@GottliebShow Thanks Doug. I’ll put the check in the mail as I presume you don’t take credit cards.

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@DylanSinn @KosherBruin Attaboy Dylan. Important for us Indiana boys to crap in Ucla. I still remember busting you and Korey playing “those videos” together.

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@warriors @Loon_Rebel5 When Looney was at UCLA we knew his talents were limited to being a “garbage man” so we could fully focus our offense on @balford20. @ZachLaVine also knew his place as another beta. #nepotism #goodtimes

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

@daviddavidwoods Sophomore @balford20 played more minutes and took about the same number of shots as senior @npowell2404. #nepotism

[Fake Coach Alford @FakeCoachAlford]

I’ll give you all one guess at the source for the program’s COVID-19 infections. I’d say “stay safe” buy y’all know I don’t give a damn.