The Last Fake Jedi

The details of my life are inconsequential, but I am prone to the general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

@VirginAtlantic Thanks, the chat function in the link doesn’t work either. Very frustrating as I cannot update my info for a forthcoming flight to the US.

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

@VirginAtlantic Is your app and website down? Both my wife and I cannot log on by your website or the app?

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

. @sainsburys, just had a grocery delivery & I’m not impressed. Soft items (bread, crisps, buns & bananas) all squashed after being packed in a bag with tins & bottles. Bananas so ripe they’re brown spotted as well as crushed. Dorritos crushed & bag popped open. Unacceptable.

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

@newscatlucy @Coventry_City OMG! I used to work with Rob Gurney at Mercia Sound 1991 - 1994!

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

Coronavirus: Tourists at Tenerife hotel 'tested for coronavirus' as case confirmed in Adeje
https://t.co/znvcfx2Abg

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

Hey @skynews, I have relations near there who broke this story to me earlier - it is genuine! Thanks for putting out a news alert.

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

@skynews #Tenerife hotel with apx 1,000 guests is on lockdown after an Italian tourist tested positive for #coronavirus. Police surrounding the hotel, named locally as the H10 Costa Adeje Palace to make sure no-one enters or leaves.
https://t.co/YLIh4N0jDJ https://t.co/WSXuVoje3r

[Star Wars @StarWarsPR]

“You must learn to control your emotions Anakin. If you are feeling stressed, maybe you should hit the gym.”

“But Master, hitting the gym to relieve stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress to begin with.” #starwars

[James Bond @007]

“History isn’t kind to men who play God” – Bond, NO TIME TO DIE

[Star Wars @StarWarsPR]

“Have you located the rebel base Governor?”

“No, Lord Vader, but I’ve a plan to crush this Rebellion.”

“Which is?”

“We offer free WiFi in Starbucks on Yavin & Dantooine. The rebels will line up to watch infernal cat videos and...boom.”

“Impressive. And I thought I was evil.”

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

@LibraryPlayer @MarkPlant @CallyHocknell @jamesashby75 @goodwithwordsuk @scuttlefield I heard all the elves got sleighed off.

[Mark Plant 💉x3💪🤓 flu💉x8 @MarkPlant]

Ho-ho-ho @CallyHocknell @LibraryPlayer @jamesashby75 @goodwithwordsuk @scuttlefield @FakeJedi

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

#Pennywise the cat is way more terrifying than the clown version.

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

Quite simply the best #Christmas tree topper ever.

EVER!

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

@totalfilm *Boomtish*

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

Who is #Santa’s favourite singer?

Elfish Presley of course!

#RubbishJokeTuesday
@CallyHocknell @MarkPlant @LibraryPlayer @scuttlefield

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

@MarkPlant @LibraryPlayer @CallyHocknell Bear in mind cake related crimes are on the rise.

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

@LibraryPlayer @MarkPlant @CallyHocknell No doubt they’ll beat up the suspects and whisk them off to jail.

[The Last Fake Jedi @FakeJedi]

#HellHathNoFuryLikeA man standing on a Lego brick in the dark.